Things That Drive Me Crazy-Bat-Shit in the Pharmacy, Part 1

• My pharmacy is very long and rectangular, with the pick up/drop off window at one end. I tend to work in the middle. Patients love to walk up to the window and clear their throat loudly, drop their keys on the counter, or otherwise make a ruckus to get my attention. I KNOW YOU'RE F-ING THERE! Can't I finish what I'm freaking doing first??
• When people come up to me for a flu shot and answer my question of "Have we filled medicine for you before?" with "Oh I get all my scripts filled at WALGREENS." A simple "no" would suffice.
• When people give me a hard time for closing my pharmacy for lunch. Do you have a job? Do you get to eat something at your job? SO DO I, ASSHOLE.
• When people come up to the counter at two minutes to close and have a bitching fit when I tell them it will be ready tomorrow.
• When people ask me for advice, and then blatantly disregard it and do whatever the hell they wanted to do in the first place.
• When Sudafed-ers tie up my technicians. I don't have time for their bullshit.
• Whenever I get a Phenergan with Codeine script along with an antibiotic, and the patient ONLY WANTS THE COUGH SYRUP SO THEY CAN GET HIGH. OMG who are you trying to fool?? Do you seriously think I'm stupid?!!?
• When people try to tell me that they're taking drugs that don't exist, and when I tell them they don't exist, they act like I'm a complete idiot.
• When people tell me I'm too young to be a pharmacist.
• When people call the pharmacy and leave me a message on the voicemail, asking me to call them back. WASTE OF TIME.
• When people say, "But I have refills left! My bottle says so!!" after I tell them I can't refill it because their prescription is expired. Do you drink the milk after it expires just because there's some left?
• When people scream at me for "losing" their prescription only to come in the next day with it, realizing it was on their f-ing dining room table at home the whole time. No apologies either for the screaming at me part.
• When people think we're not busy just because there isn't a line.
• Whenever the doctor's office tells a patient that their prescription is ready at the pharmacy. That f-ing nurse/doctor/asshole doesn't know anything about what's going on in my pharmacy. And guess who gets yelled at?
• When patients leave me voicemail messages that are 98% babbling. Unfortunately, the 2% of important stuff is at the end of the message, which forces me to listen to the whole damn thing to get it.
• When patients start off a conversation by saying, "So I had some extra drugs from last time left over..."
• Whenever a patient interrupts me while I'm counseling another patient. THAT IS SO RUDE OMG.
• When I say "Sign and click 'OK'" and they click OK and then try to sign. IDIOTS.
• When people treat the pharmacy like a check out lane. I have have significantly more important shit to do than ring up your new clothing, your groceries, and your electronics. I'm trying to save lives here.
• Rude people. Someday, in my dream pharmacy, I'm going to have a sign which states boldly, "RUDENESS WILL REQUIRE AN EXTRA 15 MINUTES TO FILL YOUR PRESCRIPTION," and any asshole that gives me sass will be referred to the sign.

To be Continued...

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Less about work and more about my personal life in the next exciting episode!

Sudafed-ers

People use the ingredient in Sudafed to make bad drugs, which is rotten news for me because our brilliant government has put all products containing psuedoephedrine behind the counter. Which basically means that every f-ing hipster who wants a package of 12 hours has to go through me first. After a pathetic three months as a full-fledged pharmacist, I'm already a Jedi at spotting these people from a mile away, mostly because they are brainless idiots.

Chicks usually come in alone and look like crack whores, but guys come in in pairs (how many men does it take to buy a package of Sudafed?). The person buying is typically more of a dumbass than his buddy. The buddy is there to make sure the buyer "gets the right one." Because in the REAL world--the world where people buy Sudafed for the ACTUAL sniffles--people don't care whether their bro from the hood has to take his Sudafed every 4 hours or every 12 hours. Only people who want it for other reasons give a shit.

Idiot: "No no dude, you want the twelve hour one, because you don't have to take it as much!"

Another Idiot: "I'll have to check with my mom first to make sure the 4-6 hour one will work just as well."

And by his mom he means the douche waiting in the van in the parking lot. Who do you think you're fooling???

Today I saw two Sudafed-ers down the cough and cold aisle after ringing someone up. They were shifty and glancing over at me too much, which only half gave them away. The other half had to do with the fact that they hadn't showered in about a week, and they had puke stains on the front of their shirts. I told my technician that they'd be coming up asking for it, and that he should tell them that we're out. Like clockwork, they came up to the counter and did the "dance" with my technician. The "sorry we're out of stock" dance. Usually this involves the douchebags acting all suspicious of us, as if certain that we pulled it off the shelve just to deny them purchasing it. Then they start asking about the "24 hour one" which doesn't exist, and eventually they end up buying the 4 - 6 hour package (because they are brainless idiots, as I already mentioned). My technician comes back over to the counter where I'm working, and I declare that in less than ten minutes they'll be back to return the package because their Leader will have informed them that they got the wrong kind. Sure enough, moments later he was back and my poor technician was tied up for ten minutes doing the refund.

Like I said, I'm a f-ing Jedi.