My overdose of Shrutitriphosphate

*whew* Where do my days off go? I hardly know.

So today I did nothing but finish a book, read half of another, and write. Write write write. I haven't written in so long but today I wrote pages and pages of... stuff. I'm so weird sometimes that I freak myself out.

I went out with Shruti last night and that was a lot of fun. I hadn't seen her in like a month or something, so it was difficult to remember what she looked like. No no, I made that up. But the month part was true.

We went over to her house for 'ten minutes' which turned into like two hours while her parents fed us unusual Indian delights and we gave her dad some feedback on some posters he's making for AIDs and things like that. It was hilarious. Seriously, her family cracks me up and I think it's completely unintentional, which cracks me up even more. :D I love it.

So it was late by the time we even had dinner, but it was still delicious and Shruti ate fish for the first time. :O I'm such a bad influence. Then she came back here and almost died from an allergic reaction to the cats which she got some scientifically sick pleasure out of. Good times good times. I'll miss her terribly when I go. :(

I have to work again tomorrow but I've got nothing planned for the weekend yet. Next week I start packing. I know it seems early but I've got a lot of crap, what can I say? Mostly it'll just be weeding stuff out and throwing a lot of stuff away so that Mike doesn't have to deal with a bunch of extra Amanda crap laying around all next year. It will be sad--but I must do it. The days are slipping by fast.

Lolly

Shruti and I just had a conversation in which we added "ly" to the end of every word.


Shruti: you're just a 'ly' kind of person!
Me: i'm going to put ly at the end of every word starting nowly
Shruti: itsly yourly choicely
Me: oly manly, we'rely badly

There must be a name for this, but I doubt there's a cure. ;D

My "days off" aren't really days off anymore

New Pic! :D Because I have committment problems. :P

What I did today:

• slept in
• created my MyFSU account
• realized there were a million problems with it
• called tech help, got transfered 19,389,232 times, only to hang up and wait hours for them to call me back
• canceled my WMU financial aid
• finally got my FSU account up and running
• cleaned the apartment
• printed out my Independent Student verification worksheet and filled it out

Left to do before I go:

• Call Mom and Dad and have them mail me the correct tax forms to send to FSU
• Get vaccinations for TB, Rubella and Rubeola, Varicella (chicken pox), Hepatitis B (3 times), and Tetanus (well there goes my latest paycheck)
• get my license (eek)
• speak to WMU's registration office to make sure I've done everything I need to do to transfer
• live it up before my social life ceases to exist

I leave in less than a month. I move in the 23rd of August (a Wednesday), and classes start the following Monday. The moment--the opportunity--which I've been working towards and waiting for so desperately for the past three years is about to hit me like a brick wall in about four weeks. I can hardly believe all this is happening to me. Even the waiting list seems like a lifetime ago with all that has taken place since. It's difficult to describe what leaving means to me, especially now that it's close and I'm forced to deal with the reality of it. What have I gotten myself into? Is it all enough, and will I ever have what it takes?

I feel like a yo-yo most of the time. Excited and scared, exhilarated and anxious. Each moment that I spend not doing something incredible with my friends or with Mike I can't help but feel like I'm wasting. Time is running out, and even if I could take everyone I cared about with me, soon I will be consumed with a bigger work load than I ever suffered here at WMU. I shudder at the thought of it. I feel like I'm about to encounter something far greater than myself, and more than anything I wish I could halt time and never have to face it. How silly it seems to want it so badly--but never want it to come.

Sometimes I worry I'll be terribly lonely or I'll miss everyone so much I won't be able to deal with it. But most of the time I know that's not true. It will be in my darkest, most lonely moments up there that I will be the most grateful for those that I love--and that's how I know I'll be ok.

Ooopsey.

Ok ok, so I was just lying in bed for like an hour trying to sleep (I slept in until noon today or something embarassing like that, so needless to say I'm not that tired), and I finally gave up and decided to get on my computer for a bit. It's completely dark everywhere, so I figure I'll just walk into the next bedroom and use the light from my computer to get around. WHAM. I walk right into the closed bedroom door. I mean, my face hit the wood, and my glasses got all smushed up to my cheek and stuff. I don't even remember closing it. Holy crap it was hilarious. It didn't even hurt that much and I'm not really sure what that means.

In other news, my parents got me an iced tea maker when I complained pathetically about missing iced tea while they were visiting. So today Kate and Dave came over and made me some dinner and I thought I'd at least contribute the beverage portion of the meal by making some kick-ass iced tea. But no. I'M A FAILURE, and the ice cubes were totally not even frozen by the time dinner arrived. Geeeez.

O man, I think my brain might've died. >_<

Mom and Dad

EDIT: I got my photos uploaded. Check 'em out!





Sorry for my absence--my parents came to Kzoo on Monday and I have been visiting with them ever since!! We went to South Haven on Monday night and spent the night in a Holiday Inn with sweet-ass AC (much sweeter than the AC in my apartment), and we watched that wicked storm in the dark with the curtains open. The waves at the beach were crazy! Tuesday we got up early to go shop the town (which we did for hours), have some lunch, do a little beach bummin', and chow on some ice cream before coming back home. The lake was like bath water it was so warm, and there were people everywhere!!

We came back last night to Kzoo and I took them swimming in my pool, then we watched Batman Begins on the Digi P while eating pizza. They spent the night and dropped me off at work this morning. I was truly terribly sad to see them go. For about an hour and a half at work all I could think about was how much this sucks. How much I hate growing up sometimes. Seeing them again after so long reminded me of the summers spent doing nothing but playing dinosaurs or legos in the backyard with my brother, or swimming in the pool until Mom made us come in for dinner. I can remember spending long hours sitting on the couch sketching dragon after dragon, going through notepad after notepad while watching Lifetime movies with Mom. Back when I had no responsibilities. Sometimes I think about how much I miss that--how much I miss being a child--and I feel so overwhelmed that I want to cry. I missed my parents. I miss them right now.

I hope they know that I'm still their baby girl.

Maybe it'll snow tonight. I would love that.

My Saturday Hooorahhh

O man, today was so delightful.

I didn't have to work so I got to sleep in, and Mike finally decided last night that we could spare the extra cash to run the AC for the weekend while it continues to reach a million degrees during the day. This morning I woke up and I was actually cold, which felt amazing in ways I can't even describe. I curled up on the couch with a big blanket and read a book. A non-schoolish book. The whole experience was almost orgasmic in quality.

I drove to East Lansing today and even through a construction zone for the first time. I was proud that I did but man was I happy to get there and get out of that car.

In Lansing Mike and I met up with his friend Nick from high school and Nick's girlfriend Colleen, who I had yet to meet. They made us some kind of Thai food that was pretty exotic and tasty, and certainly a sweet break from the usual rushed bowl of ramen or Mac 'n Cheese.

Colleen is actually about to be a first year pharm student at Ferris just like me (oh what pleasant irony!), so once we met we chatted nonstop about how annoying patients are, the newest generic version of Zoloft, and how much we would love to never study again. It was great because even though I've known one or two other students who wanted to be pharmacists here at WMU, I'd never actually met one who was going in this upcoming year and one that had actually worked in a pharmacy before. It was refreshing and fun to talk with her about it--someone who had been through it all. I'm pretty sure she's a few years older than me (she said she'd been going to school for six years part time), and I'm not sure if we'll become really good friends or anything, but it'll be so nice to just have one friendly face on that first lonely day of class.

That about wraps it up, and tomorrow I clean, for the 'Rents are coming on Monday!! :D

My shameful secret

I'm 21 years old and I've never had a driver's license. I've never even tried to take a road test in order to get one. It's not because I'm lazy or I enjoy being a passenger everywhere I go--quite the contrary, at times I yearn to go where I please without having to rely on anyone else. I know how to drive, I know the traffic laws, I know what all the signs mean, yet none of this has given me the confidence to take the final step. Aside from a brief period of two months or so, I haven't driven in four years.

I think I have some sort of phobia. I dread driving, even if it's just down the street. My driving instructor and my parents used to say what a good new driver I was, but their words of encouragement never helped. I shake when I drive. I sweat. I fear the accident that I have yet to cause. I lay awake in bed thinking about how much I don't want to drive the next day--and it all makes me feel furious inside. What is the cause of this? And how in the hell do I fix it?

People tell me not to push myself and to wait until I'm ready, but the truth is I never will be. If given a choice I would choose not to, and so I probably would for the rest of my life. I don't tell people all this very often because I find it embarassing. Some people make rude comments about it which used to bother me a lot, but I've come to accept that they just can't understand. I've learned since that I'm not the only one who has suffered from something like this; many individuals even years older than me continue to struggle. But I don't want to be like them. I want to beat this back and move on with my life, but each new day I continue to feel the same horrible fear that I always have (no matter how much my driving improves), and I don't know how to proceed. I don't know how to break myself of it.

I got a new permit yesterday and I'm going to try again. I'm going to force myself because I don't know what else to do.

Butt floss

New pic! I love the one with the car and I may use it again later this summer, but I've been dying to use this one. I just love the tones.

A few weeks ago I wrote about one of my neighbors enjoying a beer in his backyard while completely naked. Today I walked past the same townhouse to see the same guy and three other dudes playing horseshoes wearing nothing but thongs. Thongs.

Discuss.

To get the ball rolling

Today I went to Ferris for the first time since I took the PCAT last October, and only the second time overall. I was nervous but not nearly as much as I was when I took that test--what a miserable 24 hours that was. I was so stressed I practically cried if you looked at me weird, and I was so distracted that I paid little attention to my surroundings during the entire ordeal. I certainly never imagined I would be calling it home in less than a year. In fact, if you had told me so, I would have modestly laughed my ass off.

Today was different, with the PCAT and the Waiting List having already come and gone. I felt like a runner standing at the finish line and gazing back at the track, surprised at just how far I'd traveled in such a short amount of time. The campus was more welcoming and enjoyable than I'd anticipated. I'd peg it as only a third the size of WMU, but the smaller scale is almost more attractive to me now that I've already experienced a large university. It seemed to be in remarkably good shape for being a slightly older college, with even it's oldest buildings kept up drastically better than WMU (I noticed several newer buildings as well). Big Rapids certainly holds no candle in entertainment value in comparison to Kalamazoo/Portage, but my beloved Meijer was nearby along with some of my favorite food joints, including Qdoba and A&W. Although much, much larger than my hometown, it all had a small-town feel in the middle of the country which made me feel a little more at home.

Mike's guardian Sandy took me up there so I could get my finances and housing situation in order. I went to the College of Pharmacy building (I'll be in one building for all my classes--how cool is that?) where I got to meet a few of the pharmacy advising staff, and I was most impressed with how exceptionally friendly and supportive they were. I brought my transcripts along with me to verify that I'd taken my final pre-pharmacy requirement (Human Physiology) and I've now been officially admitted. Afterwards we visited Financial Aid (I'm going completely on loans this year--but I was ready to do whatever was necessary to get me through the program) and then Residential Housing, where I signed up for a dorm room.

The dorm rooms were nothing fancy, as most dorms are, but I get an 11 X 14 room all to myself and I share a bathroom with the girl next to me. I was so happy to get a private room. So happy. I was concerned they'd all be gone or something equally horrible. Now, more than ever, I'm going to need my own space in which I determine who's over and for how long, when the music is on, when the TV is on, and what time the light goes out at night. In many ways I'm very excited to live in a dorm again. By omitting the roommate factor I can't imagine how it would be a bad experience. I enjoyed my time in WMU's dorm hall, my only complaints being the crappy condition they were in and the extreme lack of personal space. Living in a dorm is fun--I'll meet a lot of people, get involved, and I will have no choice but to be social. And when I'm thrown into that situation all over again in a place I don't know with a bunch of strangers... I'll need extra coaxing.

I was given a room on the second floor of North Bond Hall, which is right across the street from the pharmacy building OMG. So pretty much everything on campus I'll need is within 100 yards of my bedroom window.

I suppose that is all I have to say about it. I like it, and I'm certain I could easily love it. I feel as if the opportunity to leave WMU has come at a good time--in many ways I feel as if I've outgrown my place here. Leaving Kalamazoo will be a challenge not because I'll miss WMU, but because of the people I've met here. The ones I'll know forever. The most difficult part of pharmacy school for me won't be the classes, the homework, or the exams. What I'll struggle with will be the separation from Mike, my friends, and the complete lack of even one familiar face once I'm gone. For a while I know I'll hate it and want to come home. I'm sure I'll cry. But I did when I came here too and look at what it has become. I know in time I will adjust and the distance and insanely busy schedule will become routine--and before I know it I'll be done.

I still have to cancel my WMU financial aid, declare my chemistry minor, and complete the transfer process. Then I have nothing else left to do but wait. In the meantime I will be enjoying what time I do have left before my life is flipped upside down.

It's final now; I'm going at the end of August. It's too late to be afraid because there's no turning back now.

The kick-off to summer

I have returned!! I've finally completed my massive photo upload to Flickr recently, which has delayed my obsessive blogger updates. Oh the stories! Where do I even begin?

My Human Phys. class ending last Wednesday and as a gift to myself for getting through it graciously and without error, I took my annual vacation up to Mike's family cabin with the lovely Kate, the handsome Dave, and of course Jeeber. The weather was great, the cabin was lovely, and ultimate relaxation ensued!! We enjoyed many intense games of Blokus (the real game, not the online version), long walks on the beach, roasting marshmellows over a campfire, and starry nights without a sound of civilization to be heard. Mike and I made it out to Mackinac Island for a day to enjoy the food and shopping, and Dave and I almost swam across Lake Huron (no really, we did). It's truly paradise up there--this year, like all the years that have come before it, I found it extremely difficult to leave.

We came back Tuesday night just in time for my 21st birthday on Wednesday. I had to work until five but afterwards Mike and I drove over to South Haven to have a nice dinner and see their live fireworks display. We ended up eating at a place called The Idler, which turned out to be an authentic old-fashioned riverboat! It had awesome food and I had a tasty drink called a Fuzzy Alligator. Afterwards we snuggled up on the sand dunes down by the beach to watch the fireworks, and they ended up being the best live fireworks display I'd ever seen! The show lasted at least a half an hour and it was terrific. I highly recommend it for those of you that may get opportunities to see it. They shot them off over the lake and they were right over our heads!

Shruti got me an iPod nano... like, holy crap! I owe her a car or a mansion now or something totally nice like that. I was speechless when she gave it to me, but o man will I use it! She described it as a birthday/getting into pharm school/going away present. It was far too much from a friend, but I was truly touched by her generousity. It will be extremely difficult to leave her and my other friends behind when I go away. I only hope I will have many opportunities to return and visit them.

I also went out to dinner with my coworkers last night and that was great fun. I got to ride home in Nancy's BMW convertible and it was friggin' amazing.

I'm going to Ferris this upcoming Tuesday to sort out my finances and living situation, and I'm hoping like mad it all goes well. I would love to relax the rest of this summer and not worry about it before the craziness begins at the end of August. My parents are coming to visit me the Monday/Tuesday after that and I'm so excited. I haven't been home since Spring Break and I haven't seen them since Easter. I have so much to say to them and who knows when I'll get to see them again.

*whew* Ok I think that wraps up everything I've been doing for the past week. Now I can go back to my beloved, although often completely pointless, daily blogger updates. :D Cheerio!

Independence Day

I'm back from my vacation!! I have tons of pictures and stories, but it's late and I still haven't eaten or packed my lunch for work. Tomorrow is my birthday!! I'll be at work all day, then gone all evening to celebrate my 21st and 2 years with Jeeber. Another day of complete awesomeness. I hope everyone had a great 4th of July. :) I shall return.