It's Raining on Sunday

Photos if you're interested, from my night with the lovely Kate and the handsome Dave! Dave graduated from the College of Aviation yesterday and Kate is finally feeling better! :D It was so good to see them again--I had a great time. I also decided to go into Chic on Thursday and get a little mini-make over! *is girly*

It's been amazing to have absolutely no homework to do this weekend, and it'll be nice to enjoy that this upcoming week as well. I know however, that if I remain in Human Physiology that will change very fast once the class starts. Five credits of lecture and lab, four days a week, plus a research/writing component--I hope I can handle it. I guess I have on my side the fact that it's the only class I'm taking--and at least it'll be over by my birthday.

The waiting list for Ferris hasn't moved much since last week. It's up to #169 now; a mere one spot hop since last week's fourteen. Discouraging, but I know it'll move again. I have a feeling this sort of thing will be happening all summer until they either get to my number or don't even come close. It's frustrating but I've got to take it one day at a time.

It's a rainy day today and Mike is gone to work. All I can hear are the clocks ticking. I think I'll go curl up with the Da Vinci Code. :)

Shruti's Madre

So Shruti came over for movie night last night, and as usual, our movie night turned into "talk about nerdy things instead" night. ^_^ By the time we actually got around to the movie, it was really late and she called her mother to ask if it was ok. I ended up talking to her mom, and OMG ADORABLE! Let's enjoy.

Shruti's Mom: What are you guys going to watch?
Me: War of the Worlds.
Shruti's Mom: She's already seen that!
Me: Shruti! Shame on you for withholding that information!

.............

Me: You know, if it's a problem we can totally do it some other time. Anytime really.
Shruti's Mom: O no Amanda, you're no problem at all. You are the only one I let Shruti go with without hesitation.
Me:......... Wow, really?


OMG!!! I LOVE IT! And she said it all in that adorable accent and I almost swooned. :D

Ok I'm done now.

Ah, crap.

So, I'm sure you all remember the little mental crisis I had over that class I had to complete for pharmacy school a little while ago, in the event they get to my number on the waiting list. It's supposed to be Human Physiology, but because I'd rather choke than take it over the summer, I pulled some strings and found an English class that fulfilled the requirement, so I signed up and the crisis passed.

Well no.

Today I get a call from my Dad, who got a call from the English Department. They canceled the class.

*ANGRY BLACK CLOUD*

All humor aside, I find myself now at the edge of some kind of mental cliff. On one side is the part of me that always pulls me back to my feet when I fall, but the other is a deep chasm of discouragement threatening to swallow me. Every obstacle that I could've encountered up until this point has hit me like an unmerciful brick wall. Haven't I worked my ass off? Haven't I sacrificed? Don't I want it enough? What in the world more can I do to deserve the chance? It's not like I'm asking them to hand me the degree. I just want the opportunity to prove my worth.

Afterwards I returned to the pharmacy (I had been on my lunch break) for the remainder of my shift. Today was moving day; due to the remodeling we're temporarily relocating to the third floor. So it was busy busy busy transporting thousands of drugs and equipment. Somewhere in all the chaos I forgot about the stupid class and remembered why it all means so much to me. My job, my precious Sindecuse pharmacy job, has saved my life so many times. On the brink of defeat I've dragged my feet to work to count some more Mortin, or shred some more patient information, and slowly my spirits have risen time and time again. I love it. It's what I'm meant to do, and I can't begin to explain the power of that realization. It's more than just a job, more than just a way to make money. It's the one thing in life I want as much as I want someone to love.

And even if it takes a lifetime, somehow I'll get there. So I took the last seat available in Human Physiology. I've pulled myself back to my feet.

Another Fragrant Experience

Jeeber4u: Oh man...I just farted, and sweetie, it literally smelled of rank eggs or something. Like I had died inside. It was horrible!!!
................
I just farted again...OH GOD!! THE SMELL!!! Sweet Jesus it's rank!!!

--------------------

Scott: Biochem can kiss my succinyl-CoA.

New Piccy :D

O man, already another blogger entry. It's like drugs or something.

I changed the title picture for a few reasons:
1) I got bored and needed a change--and if I'm bored, I'm guessing you are too.
2) I'm tired of looking into my own eyes. It makes me feel guilty about things I haven't even done. >_<
3) I actually have time to change it! Woo!

That is all. Enjoy.

F U BIOCHEM!!!!11one

I'M DONE WITH YOU SCHOOL AND I NEVER WANT TO STUDY AGAIN EVER EVER EVER THE END! BIOCHEM SUCKED ASS BUT IT'S OVER AND I NEVER WANT TO THINK ABOUT GLUCONEOGENESIS AGAIN BUT I PROBABLY WILL ANYWAY BOOOOOOOOOO!

I feel like cleaning something, or mowing the lawn I don't have. :D

MOOOOOOOVE WAITING LIST! YOU'RE KILLING ME WITH THIS "MAYBE" BULLSHIT!

JILLIAN DON'T LEAVE WHO WILL MAKE FUN OF JEEBER WITH ME WHEN YOU'RE GONE?

O MY GOSH! I'VE GOT TO GO! LOTS TO DO AND NONE OF IT IS HOMEWORK!!!

*FLAILS*

Blow out

Jonathan: Just in case any of you mother fuckers are keeping score--It's bad hair zero, Jonathan one million.

Ah yes, finals week

At our neighbors party....

Mike: *knock knock*
Dudes next door: *shhhhh!* It's the cops! *shhhhhhh!*

-----

Mike: I farted again.
Me: OMG it's horrible!!! What the hell is wrong with you?! I think you're dying on the inside!

-----

Stapleton: Yes, so the "blood" that you think is all over that juicey roast beef you bought at Meijer is really just dye.
Biochem class: .............
Katie: I feel lied to.

I'M NOT STUDYING!!!!!! *flails*

And today, I'm tired

I'm not sure how much longer I can hold myself up to the highest standards imaginable. I'm burned out over never being able to make a mistake. I'm exhausted from being the responsible one. And most of all, I'm tired of being responsible for everyone else.

Geeeeeeeeeeeez

Ok, I just have to get upset for a moment. Sorry.

So I heard there were some pro-life peeps on campus today bitching about what horrible sinners we are and such while forcing little kids to hand out pictures of aborted fetuses, and it made a lot of people angry. Let me set the record straight when it comes to me--I believe in God, and ok, whatever. That aside, I'm not friggin' blind. Pro-life people have more than a legitimate argument, but they don't have a clue about what the other side has to say. In fact, I would have to say it is completely pointless to even debate with them, because all they do is repeat "You're taking an innocent life" over and over and over. That's not a good defense--it's just an ignorant and extremely ineffective way of getting your point across.

I'm personally not a person who would ever choose to have an abortion myself. I don't think it should be used as a method of birth control, as some women (and their male partners) seem to think it's useful for. Having sex is an enormous responsibility and if you get drunk and forget the rubber, then perhaps you shouldn't be having sex at all. Plain and simple.

Pro-life supporters aren't dumbasses, and their stance is for a good cause--this I won't deny. But they consider only the life of the child and not that of the women. I've never spoken to a pro-life supporter who has ever even mentioned the mother. You want to argue a case and tell me what's right and wrong, at least bring all the variables into it. Because in the end your decision is affecting my body too, and that means something to me.

As I said, I'd probably never have an abortion myself, but I'm not every woman and who the hell am I to decide what is best for the rest of us? If you don't like abortion, don't have one. And if you're a guy, shut the fuck up, because what the heck do you know about what it means to have a child anyway?

In the end, it all comes down to God. You can dance around it all you want, but God said "Thou shall not kill" and that's the law everyone in this country is held to, no matter what your religious orientation is. I believe in God, and I want to live a good life, but not everyone is required to have the same beliefs as me. This country was founded under the ideal of religious freedom--the separation of church and state. To be honest, I'm not seeing this happening to the extent it should. It's the reason we don't offer homosexuals the same benefits as a married heterosexual couple either--it's about God. Why the heck should a straight man care about the benefits a homosexual couple gets if those benefits do absolutely nothing to harm him? Why is he allowed to deny a category of people such a priviledge when he doesn't even belong to that category?



Ok, sorry about that. I'll get off my soapbox now. I apologize if anything I've said has offended anyone, and you're more than welcome to post your opinions in my comments. I only ask that you use legitimate tactics of debate that actually contain some kind of substance.

I feel like singing

The waiting list for Ferris is up to #168, a huge jump from Monday's #154. All the pharmacists at work are getting excited, checking the website almost as often as I am, and placing bets on just what date the list will get up to my number. Although I'm touched by their support and confidence, I haven't allowed myself to get excited. Still, each time that number jumps I feel a strange mixture of almost painful hope and crippling fear. I try not to focus on either one.

Mike had a great birthday, or so he's told me dozens of times. ^_^ I'm only sad that it falls during such a horrible time of the semester, when we're both so loaded up with projects and studying. Still, I managed to gush over him just enough to make the day a little special. :)

I can hardly believe next week is finals and this school year is nearly over. How time flies sometimes. I've got a lot of work this weekend but summer is seconds away. The minutes are ticking by at a rate that I find difficult to keep up with--but I'm glad. I'm ready for the future. Ready to have the world on a string.

It's Party Time!!

Happy Birthday Mikey!! I loves you!!!

XoXo

Oxygen Radicals

You know, everything causes oxygen radicals and oxygen radicals are the cause of everything. Is your coffee too hot? Probably oxygen radicals. Can't get laid? Oxygen radicals. Fail a big exam? Yep, you guessed it.

I'm trying to study biochem--can you tell? I always find so many useless things to occupy myself with when I should be studying.

Easter was superb--I went to my Grandma's house and the whole family was there. We opened baskets, Mom gave Mike his birthday gift, then we had a great homecooked meal of turkey and all the fixin's. The G-ma gave me all sorts of stuff--typical useless things like "the owner of this book is_________" stickers, 2005 pocket calendars, and stamps that have no apparent value. Even so, she's so old and nice and she means so well that I can't say no. She won't be around much longer and to be honest, when she's gone I'll miss her a ton. I love her in all her absentminded ways. She also gave me some food and stuff, so that was good.

It was great to see the family again. I'll miss not being with them this summer, just like I'll miss my normal summer job, which I've worked at for the past five years. It was mindless work mind you, but most enjoyable. I made a lot of memories at that place--I'll have to write about some of the good ones sometime. *thinks of dead cat in breakroom refrigerator*

I'm feeling 100% better today, though my ears keep popping for no reason so I yawn constantly to unpop them and it DRIVES ME CRAZY!! F-ing oxygen radicals--I KNOW IT'S YOU.

Ooooooooooooooookbye

Cryptic Messages!

--------------------

Mike: The daughter of the 3rd flourescent light to the left sings like an oat.

Que?

I love you Mucinex!

So the running I've been doing lately has had some negative effects, even if it's great for me and I still want to do it. Breathing heavily all of the sudden in the peak of high allergens has proven to be most uncomfortable, particulary to my throat. Hence me feeling as if I've been hit by a truck. But! On the upside, I'm feeling better. :D

I've gotta give props to Mike in this one. I don't get sick often, but when I do it's usually bad and of course whining ensues. Not to mention I could barely sleep last night and at two o'clock in the morning he drove all the way to Walgreens to get me some throat spray. Honestly--what a friggin' guy. Today I got Mucinex and it's so amazing. I'll never use anything again.

Katie cut my hair and it's amazing. :D

We bought my parents a new TV and it was crazy trying to squeeze it into Mike's car. In the end this biker-dude with really long-ass hair and his crack hanging out of his pants helped Mike lift it into the backseat.

I have a mountain of studying to do tomorrow/beginning of this week. Just like every other semester before this, all my profs are trying to squeeze in that one last exam before finals, so as a result I have four exams this week and a research paper due, followed up of course by finals. Ugh.

So tomorrow is Easter and Mike and I are road-trippin' it to my grandma's for dinner and Easter grass-goodness. Mom made us baskets--OMG. I can't wait. I only wish we could stay longer, but it'll be back here to study and do laundry. Woo!

It's ok. Summer is almost here. And I'm gonna rock this summer out. B-)

Spleen-bean

Me: If you lose your spleen, I'm going to call you and Katie "The Spleenless Ones."
Kate: I don't think I'll lose my spleen--unless I take up contact sports for no reason.
Me: TOUCH FOOTBALL.
Kate: DON'T TOUCH MY SPLEEN!!!! -- IF IT RUPTURES I'LL THROW IT AT YOU ONCE IT'S OUT!!!!
Me: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!! *quotes it in blogger*

You learn something new ( and gross) everyday

So today in the pharmacy I sneezed and it felt good. So I made a comment about how sometimes, especially when my nose is runny, sneezing is just so satisfying. I always figured it cleared up the nasal passages or something. But Julie, one of the techs, and Nancy, one of the pharmacists, heard me say this and started giggling like they were ten years old. Apparently the same receptors that trigger orgasms are used when you sneeze (in a less intense degree, obviously). I mean man. That's friggin' awesome stuff right there. I guess it's kind of embarassing at the same time though. I'll never sneeze the same way again.

Nancy: So if you've got the sniffles and a box of chocolates, you don't even need a man! ^_^

EDIT: The waiting list is up to 154! :D

Mike locked himself out of the apartment last night while I was out with Jillian so he climbed up onto the balconey and got in the sliding doors. He thought it was awesome of course. I'm just worried some crazy person will do it now and rape us in our sleep. O_O

I just ran a mile and came back to eat a Qdoba chicken burrito. I COMPLETELY SUCK.

*poof*

DO A BARREL ROLL!

DZK: Haley, baby, I realized something today. Your beauty is just too much for one man. So I called a hundred of my closest boys--and we're gonna run a train on you.

Two roads deverged in a yellow wood...

I find myself at a fork in the road. I stand in the middle of a dusty intersection, staring down each path and trying to determine which my heart prefers. One side I travel alone. The other is the easy way, though perhaps more enjoyable, but eventually redundant in the end, leading me right back to where I began. I want desperately to take this path, to keep using the crutch which has bore my weight for so long. The other road looks so ominous, so final, so ruthless. I can already feel the pain of loneliness and the sting of defeated tears. Yet I know if I were to take that path I would have to swallow those tears, lift my chin, and continue on. Because this is the path I've been traveling my whole life to get to, and at the end of it I'll be standing at the begining--with you. Now if only my legs would stop wobbling enough to continue to hold me up; if only I could be strong enough to climb that hill. Two roads deverged in my heart, and I took the one I've never dared to venture before.

And that has made all the difference.

The Going-Ons

Geez, I seriously almost wrote something about studying and doing homework and then I remembered I vowed not to talk about stuff like that. At least I caught myself.

The weekend has been good. I saw Kate and Dave on Friday and we went out for dinner and then came back here for some Jarhead goodness on the big screen. I never got a chance to see that one in theaters (even though I wanted to--just never got around to it), and I was not disappointed. It's probably one of the better war-type movies I've seen in a long time. I got to spend a lot of yesterday with Mike, which I ironically haven't been able to do in a while. We went out shopping at a few different places and I bought two pairs of jeans (!!) with some of the money I had left on the giftcard Sandy and Debbie got me for Xmas. Do you know how amazing it is to buy new jeans and not have to pay for them? I actually went out on a limb a little--I bought tight jeans. *gasp!* I normally play it on the safe side with blue jeans... I always make sure I have plenty of extra room in my pants so I don't get paranoid that my ass is huge and everyone will notice. But I tried these jeans on and if anything the fact that they fit tighter made me look better--so I got them. :D

I've been running every other day since last week and eating a lot better, and already I feel more awesome than I have in a while. I think I shall keep this up.

Next Sunday I'm going to visit my Grandmother in Detroit for Easter and my whole family will be there! I'm soooo excited! Mom said she's even making us Easter baskets. I haven't had an Easter basket since Kristen left for college, and I'm childishly excited. And the fun doesn't end there! The following Wednesday is Mike's 23rd birthday. ;-)

The Crisis Has Passed

Heh, now I get to worry about new things! :D

I got the writing class taken care of, but man did it take some dancing around the yellow tape. I think I emailed about 19o834 people, and eventually someone told me that English 305 was an acceptable substitute. Naturally, only students majoring/minoring in english can take it, so I had to go to the English department and grovel for a seat in the class. I offered that lady everything. Before she even spoke a word I told her I'd give her letters of recommendation, samples of my writing abilities, one of my limbs, my first born child, etc etc. It turns out she was more than happy to put me in the class--she even told me I'd 'love it.' I doubt this, but hey, I left with a smile.

The class is fastpace--three hours a day four days a week for four weeks, but I'm ready. And hell yes I can kick off my summer early.

I spoke to a woman at Ferris in charge of advising students and she told me it's not uncommon for them to go 50-60 students into the waiting list. Last year they got up to #230. I'm not going to rely on this hope, but it gave me all the more motivation to make sure I got this class taken care of in the event that they reach me and I end up going. There's a big possibility. I'm as hopelessly excited to think about it as I am deathly afraid.

Now that this obstacle has been beaten back (and you better believe I'm o so proud of myself for accomplishing all this mess in just two days), I have a large list of worries to accomplish over the summer months.

To do list:
1) Get a car, get on the insurance
2) Figure out how I'm going to pay for this pharmacy school thing. Financial Aid, you're my best friend.
3) How the heck do I transfer schools?
4) And where in the world am I going to live?

These things scare me as I realize more and more that no one will hold my hand through the growing-up processes anymore. I've got to do it all for myself, mostly on my own, and the thought of it is intimidating. Leaving behind WMU and everything I've found here is another story that I don't even like to think about, but tell me what else can I do? If they get to my number and I go in the fall... I'll be a pharmacist in four years. Four years to muscle my brain through, and I'll be free to take on the world. I have every reason to be afraid, but I've wanted to start my life for so long now. Here's my chance to be excited about a head-start. I have to tell myself to want it, because I know once it's here I'll be glad for it.

I also registered for fall classes (FINALLY). I've been stressed about that as well. I'm taking Ocean Systems, Intro into Asian Art History, Literature and Culture of the US, and Human Physiology (and lab), which gives me a total of 15 credits. Not bad. But what a crazy assortment of classes! You people must think I'm nuts. But Human Phys. wraps up my lower level bio courses, and the others finish off all of my Gen. Ed requirements except for CS 1000 or whatever it is. By the end of this semester I'll have my Chem minor, and after the fall I'll only have Physics I & II and two upper level biology courses to take before WMU can kiss me goodbye with a Bachelors Degree in Biomedical Sciences. Le wow.

To be honest though, the moment a pharmacy school says "we want you," be it this summer or next spring, I'll be leaving this degree in my dust. Pharm D just sounds so much cooler than Bachelors.

*whew!* I think that just about covers all the bases. I solemnly vow to not make my next entry about school, for your better enjoyment.

Thanks for reading. :)

Distressed

I've got a problem.

So in the event that the waiting list for Ferris gets up to #195, I will have to have completed English Composition 2 in order to go in the fall. This would be my Baccalaureate-Level Writing course, which is unique depending on your major of choice. Mine being biomed, I'm supposed to take Human Physiology to fulfill this requirement. I've heard bad things about this class--nothing more difficult than any other slightly harder science course, but this one happens to be five credits, a ton of work, and an enormous time consumer. This would be ok if I didn't have to take it in the summer.

Taking it in the summer would mean three things:
1) I would have the lecture four days a week for two hours, and the lab two days a week for three hours.
2) I would hardly be able to work at all due to the inconvenient time frame the class if available for.
3) It would cost over $1,200 of my own money to take it.

All of this makes me so frustrated I almost want to cry. I feel like I leap one step forward only to immediately take two steps back. I'm not afraid to take a difficult class in a short amount of time, but I have to pay for it on my own, I have to sacrifice work hours to take it which means less money to help me pay for it, and I might not do well in it under such conflicting time restraints, which means my GPA would go down. And considering this is one of Ferris' prereqs, it would not be a good thing to do poorly in this one. Not when I am this close to getting in.

Perhaps the most distressing of all is that I want to say, 'fuck it' and just take it in the fall when I had planned to, do well and get a good grade, retake Gen Chem II this summer like I have already scheduled, and retake the PCAT to improve my score. Then re-apply to my pharmacy schools this winter. My every rational instinct tells me this is the best and most logical way, but naturally my heart is screaming an entirely different thing.

What if they get to #195, and I can't go?

I wish I knew what the heck to do. I wish I had a friggin' clue.

If looks could kill

Apparently when I walk to class I always have this terrible look on my face like I'm furious with the world or something. Multiple people have told me this. I always laugh a little when I hear it, because the truth of it is I kinda enjoy walking to class, so I can't imagine why I have such a rotten expression on my face. I mean unless you've just made an illegal left turn down my street and you won't give me the right of way, then I'll friggin' glare at you. But normally I've just got my headphones on, either absorbed in my music or just thinking random things and not paying attention to anything except traffic and where my feet go.

So if you see me on campus, wave, and I burn a hole through your skull, it's not because I don't like you. Most likey I'm just looking right through you without realizing it. *MUAH*

The Moment of Truth

I've tried to make an entry about this several times now, but I just wasn't sure what I wanted to say. I wanted to accurately portray how I felt, but somehow I doubt I can do that. Those of you who truly know me know how I feel, and I suppose that's all that matters.

My parents got my admissions letter in the mail yesterday and called me up to read me what it said. The bottom line is I wasn't one of the 150 students who were admitted for the fall incoming class--there's just no dancing around that one. Even though I believed myself to be fully prepared for either result, I still can't explain that sinking feeling in my heart when mom read me those words.

737 people applied, 150 were accepted, and each application was assigned a priority number based on its rank in comparison to the others. My number was 195--forty-five precious seats away. So close, and yet so dramatically far. Even so, I guess there is a positive note to be said about this. I've been put on a waiting list, which means as the students who were admitted start getting their acceptance letters, many of them will choose to go to some other pharmacy school or not even respond at all, freeing up seats for more students on the waiting list. There's a good possibility that I chould still end up going in the fall, if only I can endure more waiting. Despite this hope, I've chosen to not rely on it. If the waiting list creeps up to 195 and I go, then it'll be great--I'll celebrate, pee my pants, dance around, whatever. But not until they tell me I'm going. I won't allow myself to be let down a second time.

My mom told me over and over how proud she was. So did Mike and my friends. What else can I say about this aside from my extreme disappointment? I wanted that letter to say yes, and it didn't. I can't pretend that I didn't want it. But beneath my discouragement and shattered hope, my mother's words brought me back to my feet. This was my first time applying, and my very first PCAT score. I competed against hundreds of other students just as smart and determined as me, and out of almost 740 people, I was #195. That's nothing to shake a stick at. In fact, that's good. It means more to me each time I think about it, because now I know how I rank in comparison to other students. Now I realize that I am smart enough to do this, and my level of improvement for the next time is not impossible to accomplish. Getting into pharmacy school will become a game of waiting patiently and giving everything I have. I'm not afraid that it won't happen, or that I won't be able to do it. I love this, and I can't quit it.

So today I go forward with steam. Today I woke up, put on my running shoes, and put a smile on my face. I am proud; look at how far I've come in two years. Look at what I'm on the verge of being capable of. I will achieve my dreams--and how many are lucky enough to boast that?

It's still not here

I'm going to implode.