Non-schoolish things

Well a bunch of utter chaos has occured since I left school last Friday. Saturday was the lovely Kate's Bachelorette party which was a ton of fun, then Sunday was the Dent family Christmas party at Mike's parents' home in East Lansing. Monday was full of doctors appointments and running errands all day, and was concluded with a fantastic 21st birthday bash for Shruti! :D She had her first REAL pina colada, and I was so happy to be there with her to make sure the experience was great without getting out of hand. And she gave me a wicked pair of earrings for Christmas which I adore. :D

Yesterday I finished Christmas shopping, cleaned, and wrapped all the presents. Today there are more doctors appointments, then we have to scoot on over to East Lansing to pick up Mike's suit for the wedding. Then tomorrow morning is the wedding rehearsal, followed by the rehearsal dinner in the evening, and Friday is the wedding pretty much all day. Saturday is the Gibbard family Christmas in Grand Rapids, and I'm going back to the Mountain Saturday night to spend Christmas with my own family. *whew* So really, my week in Kalamazoo with Mike was really my week to get a bunch of crap done that keeps me just as busy as my schoolwork did. :( And even though I would really love it if this break would crawl by so I don't have to go back to school, I can't wait for the craziness to be over so I can just relax and enjoy the holidays with my family and with Mike. The older I get the most responsibilities I seem to have this time of year, and the less time I get to spend doing what I love with the people I love. It makes me sad, but I suppose we all have to grow up sometime.

Grades came back, and I did a lot better than I expected to considering my level of stressing out throughout this entire semester:

• Clinical Anatomy & Physiology: A
• Profession of Pharmacy: A-
• Medical Biochemistry: B
• Pharmaceutics: C+
• Integrated Lab: C

I passed everything by quite a wide margin and my GPA was exceptionally better than I had anticipated. Overall, I'm pleased with how well my first semester went, and I truly believe that I can do much better next semester as well. And now that I have half a year under my belt, I won't have quite so many ulcers worrying over whether I'll be able to continue in the program. I can hardly believe that only a year ago I was applying to Ferris for the first time, and now here I am, well on my way. :) I learned quite a bit about myself in the process, but that's a blog entry for another day.

*whew* I think that's everything. I need to eat a cinnamon roll now.

The sweet, sweet aftermath

I did it!! I survived my first (and rumored to be "hardest") semester of pharmacy school! :D I can still rememeber, and quite vividly, my first few days here at Ferris. I can recall looking at my calendar and saying, "I'm three days into pharmacy school! Now I'm four days in!" And here I am, with a semester already history. Yesterday when I left that lecture hall and stepped out into the air, I'd never felt more relieved in my whole life. It was a marathon, and towards the end I felt renewed energy propelling me through the final mile. I can't describe how hard I worked this semester, because I've just never done it before.

Finals week was rough, but I managed to pull through it with grace. I got my A in Clinical Anatomy and Physiology, I'm borderline A-B in Profession of Pharmacy, so whichever it will be will end up being a surprise to me when the grades come back. I got a 97% on my Biochem final exam!! Which brings my overall grade up to a B in the class. I'm really proud about that one--mostly because I had a D about halfway through the semester. Integrated Lab brought me a C (it was my sacraficial lamb, so to speak) and I'm anxiously awaiting results on Pharmaceutics. I'm hoping for a C, but it's just about the only class that I'm clueless on at this point. My days of getting all A's are over, and I realized it long ago. But I was raised to always give my best, and this time I gave even more than that, so I feel good about how I've done. Even better, I know I can improve next semester (now that I know how to study!!).

So for the next three weeks I don't have to crack open a book. :D :D After class yesterday my friend Beth and I signed a leasing contract with Jim, the man who owns the lakehouse we want to rent next year, and that was exciting. My living arrangements for the next year and a half are taken care of even before Christmas!! I came back home to clean my entire room and just relax with some of my friends here on the floor, and this afternoon Mike is coming to pick me up and take me back to the 'Zoo. I'm so excited.

I'm so excited to finally be in the sweet aftermath. :D

Where's a car for me to jump in front of?

Ok, I have to take a break from studying for a minute.

I was really sick earlier this week. Like, pukey-I-want-to-die sick. And my nose ran like a faucet, and when I say faucet, I mean as in I used an entire toilet paper role and a box of Kleenex in two days. And now the skin on my nose is really raw and kinda-peely so it looks like I have nose herpes or something gross like that. >_<

Every night I say up until about 2 am, then I get up by eight or nine and study until my exam. Then once it's over I come home and study again until 2 am. I'm not even tired anymore--it's as if I'm running on adrenaline. In a few hours I'll be done with the semester.

I can see the end of the tunnel, and I'm sprinting towards it! :D

No hablo espanol....

So tonight while I was studying I received a random IM from a guy in Venezuela. I have no idea how he got my screenname, but he started speaking to me in severely broken English and he seemed friendly enough. But when I asked him who he was, he replied:

"I am the body of ur love!"

What the hell does that mean??!

That '70s Show

So this morning I got up, feeling exceptionally groggy and hung-over-like because my NyQuil hadn't worn off yet, and a Pup Named Scooby Doo was on Cartoon Network. OMGOOOODNESS! I forgot how totally amazing that show was.

And instead of studying right now, I'm building the pop-out Geekmobile Mike gave me and watching That '70s Show. *hits*

On the edge

The truth is, I would neglect Mike if he were here with me. I'm so busy with school that I rarely find time to be sad or lonely. Even so... I would give anything for a hug right now. I'm tired, I'm sick, my brain is exhausted, and I'm only halfway done. The only place I want to be is in his arms.

EDIT: And I had to miss the Nip/Tuck season finale because I had to study nappy-ass Biochem. SONOFABITCH!!

Two more days.

I don't have a lot to say, mostly because I'm so overwhelmed and bogged down with school crap at the moment. But the excitement somehow is shining through. The excitement that in T-minus four days, I will have a life again.

:D

What do you think?

My neighbor with whom I share a wall (not my suitemate) either has sex a lot, or masturbates a lot. Now, whichever one it is I don't really care, and good for freakin' her, but seriously. I don't want to hear it. And I hear it every week, sometimes multiple times a week. I heard it this morning starting from 10 am and it just stopped and now she's getting dressed it sounds like. Up until this point I've just ignored it, but it's never woken me up before. Not to mention because next week is finals week, we're under 24-hour quiet hours now. So I feel like I have a good excuse to get mad.

I considered knocking, but I didn't think she would answer. Then I considered slipping a note under her door simply asking her to keep it down when she's "doing it," but I chickened out. So I thought I'd get your opinions. Am I just going overboard here, or is it not a common curtousey to at lease try to muffle it when you're in close enough proximity to neighbors that it might disturb them? I mean geez, turn on a TV or something if you absolutely have to moan at the top of your lungs.

Maybe I'm just a prude.

This about sums it up

Dr. Bates: So, how're you guys doing? You holding up?
Pharm class: ..............
Dr. Bates: I mean I know we're getting into finals right now and that sucks... but no one wants to jump in front of a bus.... right?
Pharm class: ..............
Dr. Bates: Ah yes, silent as usual.

Sometimes...

I hate it here.

The lake house, and indecent exposure

This morning Beth and I got up way too early to meet a man who was renting out two bedrooms of his home to either pharmacy or optometry students starting in the summer/fall of '07. He took us to this house about ten minutes away from campus that sits right on nice-sized lake, and gave us a little tour. Beth and I would be given the entire finished basement (two bedrooms, laundry room, living room, dining room, and bathroom) for $600 a month to split between us. We don't have to pay for heat, utilities, water, or laundry, just base rent and any high-speed internet or upgraded cable that we might want. The house was beautiful, barely ten years old, and the basement level leads on onto a backyard patio that extends the entire length of the house looking down on the water. He's even giving us all the furniture we need, including beds, a TV, couches, a kitchen table, and a refrigerator. And the best part is that he doesn't seem like a complete creep-o either, so there's an extremely strong possibility that this could be where I'll live next year. I'll know for sure by Friday. :)

Do you remember that guy who freaked out at me because I couldn't help him with his homework? If not, here's a refresher. So a guy down my hall, Brandon, brought me a paper today and showed me an article that talked about a man who "exposed" himself to an employee at the fitness center against her will. Apparently it was that guy! Something like that has got to be enough to get his weird-ass kicked the heck out of school. Honestly, I don't know how he functions in society.

New pic. That is all.

Ninja VANISH! *poof*

*COMPLAINS!*

Sooo let's start with my lack of sleep. I went to bed last night about 2 am, got up this morning around 6:30. I had a lab quiz at 8, followed immediately by a final exam at 11, which I believe I did not-my-hottest on (and I mean that in the strongest possible way). Then I had three hours to study for the always-gut-wrenching-and-horrible Biochem exam before three o'clock rolled around and I had to have my pale ass in front Kmart for an hour to ring the Salvation Army bell. It was snowing like crazy and I'm pretty sure the windchill was around -10000000, because I guess Mother Nature just hates my guts for killing so many plants. Despite the cold the Salvation Army thing was enjoyable and Beth and I made lots of fat cash for the needy. It was, however, quite possibly the longest hour of my entire life.

After that it was time to eat dinner, followed immediately by aforementioned gut-wrenching Biochem exam. Two hours of hunching over randomly colored paper all the while being completely unaware of my own physical discomfort. Until of course when the test is over at seven and I realize that my legs have been crossed for so long that I no longer have nerve function below my knees.

Then I went to Meijer and I don't really have any complaints about that. *thinks* Nope.

I came home to do some laundry and proceeded to trip down a flight of stairs. I guess it was a half flight, but it felt like I fell off a building a little. And on top of it all, all the washers were taken so I fell down the stairs and spewed my laundry across the snowy entry hall for ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. *Baaaaaaaah humbug*

Have I mentioned it's been shitting out snow since last Friday?

On a brighter note, now that you're all saturated with my negative energy, I took a Pharmaceutics exam last week and earned a B, then an Anatomy exam on Friday and I got my second perfect score (ca-CHING!). I'm also feeling ok about Biochem today. I'm not sure if I did anything spectacular, but I don't have that impending feeling of doom.

Aaaaaaand the rest of the week is going to be SO MUCH BETTER!! :D :D Just because Monday is over with.


EDIT: AND I JUST SPILLED DIET COKE WITH LIME ALL OVER MY LEG!!!

Western, you pussy

I guess WMU canceled class today due to ice or something. PFFFFFFT. Ferris had more ice and snow by 8 am! That's ok, I'm only jealous because if class had been canceled here, I wouldn't have to worry about taking the exam that I'm not quite ready for yet. >_<

For some reason if I use the bathroom in the dark and then flush the toilet, it scares me. I'm not just talking about "ooh! That was a loud unexpected noise!" type of scare, but a "If I don't run out of the bathroom quick the monster is going to get me!!" type of scare. It seems so rational in the dark in the middle of the night, but right now it makes me feel more than slightly ridiculous.

I've had exams up the ass lately, and I've got one more today and two on Monday. Then I have four days worth of presentations, volunteering, and other crap before finals week. Pretty much my life sucks donkey balls right now, and I do nothing but study every moment that I'm not sleeping or taking a shower. I'm surprisingly calm about the whole thing though--sometimes I sit on the futon with my books all around me and I scream on the inside, but outwardly I still act like a normal, functioning human being. Which is a big step for me.

Ok I really need to put on some earrings now.

Awesome.

Well the cat has killed both of my parakeets. And you know something? I don't give a crap how annoying they were. I loved them, they were mine, and now they're gone. And I feel like it's my damned fault.

I'm Happy

For the choices I've made

For the people I've met

For the lessons I've learned

And for the times I've chosen to say, "I love you"

A few stupid things

I'm growing my hair out and I feel the slight urge to throw myself off a building over it right now.

I really want a black Jetta, for those of you that are having a really hard time finding me a Christmas gift.

My dorm hallway smells like a slice of greasy pizza. And damnit, I wish I had one of those right now.

EDIT: O and I hate studying btw. Bee-tee-double-you. :D

Oooooooooooooooook bye.

Turkey Day

I always need vacations the most immediately after I have one.

So I got to go home for the first time since oooooh, last Spring Break I guess, and it was very very nice. Mom, Dad, Chris, and Kristen were all there, and I can't even remember the last time we all slept under one roof. Kristen has grown up and moved out, I'm practically moved out, and Chris is about to turn seventeen in just a few days. I can't believe how much time has gone by.

Thanksgiving was great, and I got to play a ton of Mariokart with the siblings. We all went to Crossroads for opening night, where I got to see my wonderful Tree of Lights (which I demonstrate for you here with my photographical brilliance), I got to ride the train for the first time in years, ride Elmer's Tune (my favorite carousel horse), and see a spectacular fireworks display. I also spent way too much money in the gift shops, but most of what I bought wasn't for me. After Kristen and Chris went home Dad and I got to walk around the Village just the two of us, and that felt really nice. I got to spend quite a bit of one-on-one time with just about everyone.

I also got to hang out with Beth for a while on Wednesday and we went back to the high school to visit some of our old teachers. Holy crap that was weird, but I really enjoyed it. Last night we went to see the Fountain which I do not recommend to anyone--unless you do drugs. If you do, it might make perfect sense to you. And I of course did a ridiculous amount of studying. *sighs pathetically*

So now here I am. Dad and the bro left about an hour ago, and I already feel really terribly lonely. I miss the noise of home and milk in the refridgerator. Hell I miss everything. This is probably the only time ever since leaving home that I've come this far through a school year and not really been excited to go back. It's a shame too because I really love Ferris and even living in the dorms has been really enjoyable. I guess it depresses me that just about the only thing I do here is work my butt off and study. I suppose that must be why.

But anyway! I had a wonderful weekend with the family and I hope all of you did too. :) I've got a lot of pictures to upload but I'm too lazy to do it tonight, so probably early this week I'll post them. For now, I need to unpack all my crap. >_<

Today I get to see my
FAMILY

I love you family :)

Run on sentences

Sooooo tomorrow I have three hours of class and then I'm FREE until next Monday. Holy easter eggs that's amazing. After that I have two weeks of class before finals, and I'll be halfway through my first year of pharm school. I feel like I've improved significantly since I started here, which makes me feel awesome, and I just got back my fourth biochem exam and was estatic to learn that I earned a 90%. I might be able to pull off a B in that class afterall. :D :D

I had a ridiculously busy weekend. Friday Mike's friend from high school Nick picked me up in Grand Rapids and the three of us went to see Casino Royale, the only James Bond movie I've ever seen. Despite this it was still enjoyable, and whoever the guy was who played Bond was butt-naked in a scene near the end and he has a really nice body. So that was good.

Saturday was the lovely Kate's bridal shower, and she got so much stuff OMG. It was a lot of fun and we played some corny games and ate the most giant baked potatoes I've ever laid eyes on. :D MMmmm. Afterwards I was scheduled to have my bridesmaid dress fit at David's Bridal, and what an ordeal that was. The woman who helped me was completely incompetent, and each time I came out of the dressing room with a dress on Mike had to go hunt her down in the store because she couldn't sit still. Then she brought me three of the wrong style dress before I finally pointed out that these gowns looked nothing like what the lovely Kate showed me. After finally finding the right dress in the right size, I went to pay and of course their computers wouldn't work for like a million years. *COMPLAINS* But the dress is very pretty and I can't wait to wear it. :D

Sunday was spent doing homework, cleaning, preparing for my visit to Promed Family Practice, and then in the evening we were invited to have dinner with Mike's friends Dave and Adrienne, who were apparently having a pre-Thanksgiving dinner. I haven't seen them in ages. Then I came back to the apartment and proceeded to feel very nervous for the rest of the night about my visit to the pharmacy today.

As an introduction to being a pharmacy intern, the first year of pharmacy school requires you to visit two different pharmacy sites, one in each semester. I was assigned a partner and a location (based on my geographical preferences) and I had to stay for at least three hours. Much to my irritation, they gave us no spare time to do this. We had to work it around the pharmacy's schedule, our preceptor's availability, and a full-time school schedule here in Big Rapids. I was lucky in that my preceptor was available to speak with us this morning and my pharmacy site was located in Portage near Kalamazoo. I merely stayed an extra night downstate and drove back up here with my partner Jeff (he wasn't a big talker--made for a long-ass drive).

We got back about ten minutes before class started and holy crap the whole thing was just stressful. I had a great time at the pharmacy and I got to ask a lot of burning questions, but I always feel very anxious over things like this. It turned out to be a great experience though.

Now I only have to suffer through another day of class before I can go home and play Mariokart, eat real food, and pet my dog. :D

Take me to the church!

Shruti: well i don't want you to cry
Shruti: enough of that has happened since i rejected your marriage proposal
LilBoomerang08: WHO rejected WHO'S marriage proposal??
LilBoomerang08: I'M A MARRIED WOMAN!!
LilBoomerang08: I'M MARRIED TO PHARMACY SCHOOL!!!
LilBoomerang08: it was an arranged marriage though
LilBoomerang08: and i'm going to kill it while it sleeps.
LilBoomerang08: and inherit all its money :D

Penis whistles

I took a Biochem exam yesterday and I feel ok about it. I won't find out for sure until Monday though so that'll suck--I hate to drag out stress longer than necessary. But! The good news is I don't have any more exams until the Thursday after Thanksgiving! :D And after that it's a downhill spiral of crappy exams and no life until Christmas break!! :D :D WOO!

So the lovely Kate and the handsome Dave are getting married in like a month, and Kate's bridal shower is this Saturday! I'm so totally clueless about the whole wedding process in general. I don't really know what to wear or what gifts to buy or if I'm supposed to be doing anything else. A friend of mine told me bridal showers usually consist of bringing gag gifts, like a penis whistle or something, but I can't see that going over very well with the older people who may be there. I'm also the maid of honor in my friend Beth's wedding--I'm pretty sure I have several responsibilities but I have no idea what they are. I SUCK AT THIS GAME.

Nothing really exciting happens to me in Big Rapids. I get to visit my first pharmacy as an offical intern this upcoming Monday! WOW I bet that got you on the edge of your seats. Actually I'm slightly nervous.

This has been a rough week and I hate that. I hate it because nothing bad whatsoever has happened to me, yet I still feel this unnecessary negative energy going on right now. I've just been really worrisome and lonely and stressed out in general. Over practically nothing. That is so like me.

I can't wait for Christmas--I've never been so happy for it to get here.

There wasn't any snow down state. In fact, there wasn't any snow anywhere until the MOMENT I got off the highway and pulled into Big Rapids, as if some nasty cloud had just been chillin' out there all weekend. Just for me.

:: MAD ::

The lower east side

So, yesterday I was up at 5:30 am so that Mike and I could make it over to U of M Ann Arbor by 8:30 for a presentation he was giving called, "Authority and Power We Bring to Tutoring." He was there with four other students representing WMU's writing center consultants, and the presentation lasted slightly over an hour and it was very good. I was so proud of him. :) I was probably the only person in the audience that wasn't a consultant myself, but the topic of authority and how to use a higher body of knowledge wasn't unfamiliar to me. At school I have a whole class dedicated to how pharmacists engage themselves in practice, and patient communication is a huge part of that process. Learning how to actively engage a patient/student/client in the communication exchange so that they truly benefit from it is a tough job of just about any profession.

Afterwards we realized that we were on the opposite side of the state from where we usually are, so we took advantage of that opportunity. We visited Mike's friends Tim and Dan who attend U of M, then we headed over to Redford where my grandma was celebrating her 90th birthday with my whole family (except Chris)! She was so suprised to see me--I haven't seen her since Easter. It was awesome to see my parents and sister again too, and I get to see them in only a week and a half for Thanksgiving! I can't wait.

The remainder of the evening was spent studying Biochem, as today will be. :( I'm almost done with this semester--I can't believe it.

Holy crap

My grandma turned 90 years old today! :D

Pharmacy Day

So apparently yesterday was College of Pharmacy Day or something, and we didn't have any class. Of course, instead of going to class from 1-4, we had to be at Williams Auditorium on main campus at 8 am, where we remained until 3:30 that afternoon. I must say, although in most respects I believe Ferris is a much nicer school (as far as how well it's taken care of) in comparison to WMU, Miller Auditorium is much better than Williams. But I have a sneaky feeling (triggered by the teal-colored auditorium seats) that FSU's Williams Auditorium was built about thirty or some odd years before Miller. I guess Western wins this round. *ding!*

Anyway, back to Pharmacy Day. We spent the first three hours speaking with representatives from just about every type of pharmacy you coud imagine--retail, independent, hospital, and nuclear pharmacy, as well as pharmacy in the Navy, Air Force, and the Army. Everybody had free stuff to bribe us with and I stuffed my bag full of pens, coffee mugs, back massagers, chip clips, Pez dispensers, and even an adorable stuffed puppy wearing a pharmacy lab coat. Not to mention I think I have about a million business cards, and several hopeful offers for summer internships. Afterwards we gathered in the auditorium to listen to some rather dull (and political) guest speakers. We broke for lunch, got into our respectful groups for group discussions of current pharmacy issues, then concluded back in the auditorium to get our free t-shirt. Pharmacy students from their first year all the way through the fourth years were present, and it was an interesting (though very long) day of interacting. I feel significantly more involved in stuff for some peculiar reason.

I got my hair cut after they let us loose, and had about two and a half inches cut off. It's just slightly shorter than the haircut I had over the summer which Kate did for me, but it's still a big change from my shoulder-length hair. I feel like I've taken an enormous step backwards in the growing-my-hair-out process. but if anyone knows how to do it it's me. I made sure the stylist cut out all of my drastic layers and split ends, so that this is probably the last serious haircut I'll have to get for a long time. Now all of my hair can grow at the same pace, rather than the top being dramatically shorter than the bottom.

Two weeks from today and I'll be in my first day of Thanksgiving break. :D After that it's downhill to Christmas, but my life will essentially suck complete ass until finals are over. I have another Biochem exam on Tuesday and I feel like I NEVER STOP STUDYING for that stupid class. Uuugh, what a world.

Ok. I'm going to go eat something delightful now, like Ramen.

"So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go

'Cause I'm leavin on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go"
-- J Denver

*Gasp!*

Well, I suppose it's only fair that if Kristen knows, everybody knows. The dragon icon I use for my blogger is actually a tattoo which I designed myself. In fact, it's my tattoo. It's below and just behind my right hip. I had it done the day after my 21st birthday, as a "I just kicked complete ass and got into pharmacy school" gift to myself. I adore it.

That is all.

Let's Accelerate

So there's a fast-track version of pharmacy school that will allow me to graduate 8 months early. This is of course very attractive for multiple reasons:

• Eight months more of pay as a full-fledged pharmacist
• LESS SCHOOL
• LESS SCHOOL
• LESS SCHOOL
• And more life
  

However, similiar to most big decisions, it has its share of negatives as well. For one thing, it would be even more intense than what I'm dealing with now. I wouldn't necessarily be taking more classes at a time, but my summer breaks would cease to exist except for summer of 2008, in which I would only have to dedicate three weeks to a clerkship. I would still have all holiday breaks as usual, but getting out early means logging in extra time somewhere else. Although I can say (even now) that breaks are a necessity, having four solid months off in the summer is a great amount of time for my brain to frizz, my motivation to wane, and my wheels to spin, so to speak. On the flipside, it means I wouldn't be bringing in any money because I might not even be able to work in the summers. Financial Aid is of course available, and I wouldn't be paying any more tuition for the accelerated track than I would the one I'm in now, but I like to have my cushion in case I need to buy something (like a car).

Living arrangements would be very tricky because I would be making my move from Big Rapids to either Grand Rapids or Kalamazoo a year from this January (which in the accelerated track would mark the beginning of my "third" year). But I would graduate in the fall of 2009, almost a full school year ahead of the rest of my class. I had been led to believe that this fast track only cut me loose a semester early, in which case I didn't think it was worth it. One semester early to sacrifice my summer breaks? But eight months.... is very significant.

So here I sit. Torn. The truth is, I want to be out of school as soon as possible for a multitude of reasons, the majority of which have to do with just being plain worn out from the intensity of it all. But a big part of me just wants to start my life. I want to get married and move into a house. I want to make money instead of giving it all away. I want to see my family and my friends more, and I want to be able to go out for an entire day without feeling guilty about the pile of homework I left behind. I sit here at the beginning of four years, and it's daunting.

I'm not really sure what to do with this. I have lots of time to commit or turn it down, but there are so many factors to consider.

Well I know I'm thirteen minutes late, but Happy Halloween. I hope you all didn't show off your boobies too much. ;)

With great power....

*climbs on soapbox*

I really dislike people who think they're better than everyone else. It's one thing to possess the abilities and the means to pursue an education that may help your odds in this world, but it's an entirely different, ugly thing to belittle others who don't have the same opportunities as you. In the end, we're all just trying to be happy and find our way. And if you go through life making others feel bad because they don't measure up to you, in the end who truly loses?

*climbs down*

Cut and Paste the Randoms

I compounded my first prescription on Thursday all by myself, and I'm thinking I did pretty good, but man was it stressful. It was probably the last thing I needed during a week in which I had both Biochem and Pharmaceutics exams to study for, but by the end of my lab I had my Wintergreen rubbing alcohol solution all perfect with a flawless label.

Thursday night my friend Beth and I felt comfortable enough to actually put all our school crap away and be social for a while. We even got all dressed up in heels and lipstick to go out to the bar, but we were ready way before everyone else on our floor, so we ended up going out to get a pizza to kill some time. Afterwards we went to the bar and found out there was a three dollar cover charge and neither of us had cash. SON OF A BITCH. So we went to Meijer, got some ice cream, came back and sipped on rum and ciders while watching Pitch Black (because we would both have sex with Vin Diesel). But after being up since 6 am, we were both too tired to even finish the movie. Still, it was a nice night off from the usual homework.

That guy that I helped with his homework that was such as ass to me is named Labarron apparently. On Tuesday night I heard some commotion out at the end of my hallway, and when I went to look it was him and two of the RA's from South Bond. I guess he did something for a charity event and expected compensation for it, and the RA's were trying to explain to him that that's not how it works. AN HOUR AND A HALF he argued this same dumb-ass point, all the while the RA's were trying to defuse the situation by offering to make him an appointment with the hall director, Jesse, with whom he could complain further. He ignored them of course (because he ignores everyone), and talked over their attempts to move the arguement out of the hallway and into his room, so they wouldn't be disturbing everyone on the floor. They finally got him to follow them into the kitchen where they continued to argue for another half an hour until the hall director showed up. Things really started to get heated then. The RA's had been trying their best to be polite, but now they were just all out yelling at him because (and much like in my own situation with him) he refused to listen to anything anyone said. He just yelled and yelled and yelled as if no one had anything to say back. Finally the hall director sent him to his room. Like, he actually said "GO to your room." Which I thought was rather appropriate. Well, Labarron wouldn't go until Jesse finally threatened to call public safety on his sorry ass. Then he left.

I told the RA's what happened to me with him, and I guess he's done it a few times to other people as well. Oh, and he's thirty four years old. HOLY CRAP. I told some of the boys on my floor about what he did to me and they were pretty pissed. So I'm glad I at least told other people--this guy seems like a psycho.

Beth and I have talked about living together next year. A few other girls that we're friends with have expressed interest in living with us too, but I don't really want to live with more than one person ever again unless I gave birth to them or I'm related to them in some way. Not to mention Beth has had some bad experiences with it and feels even more strongly about it than I do. So we're going to start to look for apartments this week and I'm pretty excited. I hope we can find a nice place.

Mike took me out to Carraba's last night and to see Saw III. I can't believe they made two more movies of the original Saw and they were all really good. I'm very impressed. Today I have to study but this evening we're meeting with Sandy and Debbie in Battle Creek and I'm excited to see them. Sunday I'm going to try and see some friends before heading back up to Big Rapids. I'm almost to Thanksgiving break, then Christmas break, then OMG THE END OF THE SEMESTER. I'm so proud of myself for not jumping off a building yet. :D

I got a 97% on my most recent Biochem exam. OMG I'M SO HAPPY.

A Tribute

I feel overwhelmed right now. Just absolutely overwhelmed. I worry about whether or not I'll make a good pharmacist, even as I struggle each day to even make it that far. Sometimes I even wonder if I have what it takes. All I do is go to class, study, go to class, study, and sleep/eat when I can. There are shameful moments when I can't even remember why I'm here.

Then I call Mike, and as always, he helps me to remember. If it weren't for him, I'm very sure I would've drowned a long time ago.

"One more time..."

I just found out something terrible, though in the end unfairly inevitable like almost everything else. My band director from fifth grade on and my friend, Mr. Denny Anderson, passed away recently. The contributions he made to Mt. Morris music can only be described as priceless, and the extent to which he touched the lives of each student who went through his program cannot be put into words. Everyone has a different story, but to me this man proved time and time again that no matter how difficult the notes were or how fast the tempo was, music could be made beautiful. Each and every solo that he chose for me I can remember thinking was far too difficult, but his confidence in my abilities far surpassed my own, and looking back now I find myself loving him for pushing me to my limits. It's only in these moments that we discover things about ourselves that we never knew existed.

He was loved overwhelmingly by my small town, and we'll never forget him.

OMG THE BIOCHEM TEST IS OVER AND I THINK I MIGHT'VE DONE PRETTY GOOD WE'LL SEE HOLY CRAP!!

I WENT OUT AND BOUGHT MYSELF A POT PIE TO CELEBRATE. MMMM POT PIE.

Ok I have to study Pharmaceutics now.
*choke*

Many apologies to those of you of whom haven't been able to get a hold of me with much success lately. I'm in one of my crazy I-want-to-kill-myself kind of weeks with another Biochem exam tomorrow and Pharmaceutics on Thursday which I won't even be able to study for at all until Biochem is over. I promise I haven't forgotten about you, I've just been extremely busy studying. Eventually this crap will break and I'll have a little breathing room, but it may be a few more days. In any case, I love you all and I'm thinking about you. :)

On a happy note, I'm offically half way through my first semester of pharmacy school. More importantly, I'm halfway to Christmas break. :D

If you can't say something nice....

O man, did I have a run-in with a guy today.

So there's this guy that lives down the opposite wing of my floor that came to me about a week and a half ago and asked if I could help him with his algebra. At the time I had just finished a terrible Biochem exam and I hadn't planned on doing any more of my own homework, so I told him I would if I could. Two hours later it's about midnight and he's still in my room, but finally I tell him I really need to get to bed and he leaves. Even though the process was a lot longer than I anticipated, I felt good to have helped him out, and he told me later that he did well on his exam, which made me feel even better.

He was very persistent about rewarding me somehow, which I was grateful for, but his only payment method was an offer to take me to the bar. Alone. With this random 6-foot guy I hardly even know. To be honest, I wasn't expecting any kind of payment anyway, it was a one time thing and I had the spare time to help him, so it wasn't a big deal. Anyway, I dodged his offers to go to the bar by telling him I was extremely busy with my own school work (which is a great excuse because it's always true), but I was always really nice about it.

SO, then this week is midterms of course, and I've got another gut-wrenching Biochem exam on Monday that I'm already studying my buns off for, and he comes to me again, wanting help with the same material. Only more of it, because this test is, afterall, a mid-term. I tell him that I'm very busy studying for some of my own exams but that if by any chance I do get caught up and have extra time, I'd let him know so I could help him. Well, I didn't get extra time, but that didn't stop him from trying his hardest to get me to help him anyway. Last night it got a little tense when he stopped by and asked what I was doing tonight. I said I had a study group in the evening but I wasn't sure how long it would take, but if I got done early enough perhaps I could help him. I told him that main campus does offer free tutoring however, because I was fully aware that I'm not the greatest resource--my own school work takes up the majority of my time. He told me that was bad advice. Bad advice he says! Like, the words came out of his mouth. "They're not available when I am" he says. So what about your professors? "Their office hours aren't convenient." Well, what about a separate appointment outside of office hours? "They can never help me long enough."

So, in a nutshell, apparently I'm his last hope. Which is bullshit by the way.

Today he walks by my room around dinner time, I'm watching TV and studying Biochem, and he says he'll be right back, as if he has something to tell me. Ok whatever. Well, he comes back with his books and calculator, and when he sees I'm busy working on my own stuff, he starts saying crap like, "Didn't we speak about this last night? I thought you agreed to help me." When I explain to him AGAIN that I have a study group and my own studying to do, it escalades to the point that he begins accusing me of lying to him and each time I try to talk he just talks over me, so then I have to shout--and I don't like shouting. In fact, I don't like confrontations at all. I get sick to my stomach, I shake, I feel scared, and worst of all, my intellect leaves. Even when people say something completely ridiculous I can rarely think of something to say back.

I finally asked him to leave, at which point he walks out my door and then continues to yell at me from the hall. He told me it "wasn't all about me." Which is painfully true of course. His midterm has nothing to do with me, and if he's not prepared then I certainly shouldn't be held responsible. I wanted to explain this to him, but I didn't want to shout anymore and I was really uncomfortable and just wanted him to leave. So I shut my door in his face. I didn't know what else to do.

I wish I had never helped him at all. What a jerk. :(

The Profession of Pharmacy

So today in my Profession of Pharmacy class we had a guest speaker instead of our normal instructor. I'm pretty open-minded when it comes to the majority of issues, but this guy was a jerk, and I would like to complain about him now. You don't have to listen(read).

He started off the lecture by announcing that the majority of us were in pharmacy school for the money which the profession could bring us throughout our lives. Although I realize that people such as this exist, I couldn't help but feel slightly insulted. I'm not going to say that the money isn't attractive to me--I have to pay back my college debt somehow--but money alone could never have gotten me to do this. If I merely wanted to make a ton of money, I would've found a less-expensive way to do it. One that wouldn't take seven years of my young (and "care-free) life and $150,00 of money I just don't have. I could drop out and be a stripper or something. I hear they make a lot of money these days--far more than a pharmacist.

He proceeded to tell us that at this early point in our professional education we don't really have a good reason to be here. We don't have "the passion" or the dedication that is needed to care for individuals for the rest of our lives, putting their needs (sometimes even at the threat of losing our license) before our own. Once again, I'll admit that the pharmacy profession in actual practice, with me in the driver's seat so to speak, is a very cloudy vision at this point. I want to be a good pharmacist and I'll do everything I can to become one, but just what experiences I'll encounter in my field are still very fuzzy. I haven't learned what all the drugs do (or even what they're called). I haven't been personally responsible for a patient the way I will be in a few short years. So maybe in this man's eyes--this man who has practiced pharmacy since before I was born--it may be easy to suggest that this means I have no passion or understanding. I only wish I would've had the guts to be defiant and tell him exactly what got me into this seat.

Passion is why I'm here, and if I didn't have a bottomless supply of it, I would've cracked up here after the second week. Because they were wrong--getting into pharmacy school is not the hardest part. Getting up everyday, spending the entire day in class, coming home every night and sacrificing time with friends, significant others, family, hobbies, and just about every other enjoyable thing you used to love--that's the hardest part. And perhaps the most difficult of all, to come through seven weeks of this mess and to sit here and honestly say that I still love pharmacy and want to do it with all my heart--that takes understanding, dedication, and passion that many people never experience for anything or anyone. The truth is, I sacrificed far more than I ever anticipated when I moved up here half a semester ago. I'm not even talking distance from Mike or my friends--that is at least tolerable. I'm talking my life has completely changed. And now it can never go back.

So I'm wet behind the ears. So I have a lot to learn. And yes, maybe I'm trying my hardest just to keep my head above the water. But I got here, I'm still going strong, and I'm still in love with my decision. Teach that in your classrooms. More importantly, teach the youthful to go after their dreams--not just to pursue a career that a high school counselor told them they would be good at. Once you've accomplished that, then you can tell me whatever you want about why I'm here.

It pays to be a nerd

In more ways than one. Oh-ho yes it does.

So this morning I went to the Pharm building after lab (in which I made vaginal suppositories and lip balm--o the joy) to speak with my Biochem professor about the results of my exam, and we went through my test together. She had actually marked off several points that I didn't get wrong, so now I have an ever-so-slightly better grade! :D I'm so happy! It still sucks, but hey, I take what I can get around here.

So it snowed this morning. Huffaw.

Yeah, I don't really have anything else.

MOO moo cow

Oh man! My Moo cards came today from Flickr! Business cards with my photos on them!! Look at how little they are--I love it!! I got ten for free, but you can have one hundred made, each with a different picture and/or text on the back for only twenty bucks. :D

And now for something completely random--I am the least stealthy class-skipper that ever lived. That is all.

Give me back my marker

I got the results from my Biochem exam back today and they weren't as fabulous as I was praying for. I thought about publicly flogging myself as punishment, but I realize that it wouldn't do much good. I've come to the humble admittance that there are just some things I'm really good at, like biology, and some things that I have to work my ass off just to get through, like Biochemistry. It's not even that I don't understand the subject--I take good notes in class, attend study groups, read the chapters, hell I even like the topics--but I have a feeling that I'm suddenly being held to a much higher standard than I ever was (in any class) at WMU. As they say, I'm a "doctorial-candidate"--I guess it's time to work on my A Game.

All is not lost. I improved more than ten percent from my last exam, and I fell into the class average this time. One of the two professors teaching the class (the crappy one) won't be teaching anymore, so I find that very encouraging. We're also getting into material that I'm much more familiar and comfortable with. I'm not going to sweat bullets over it for very long--the grades I'm pulling in my other classes are no less than a C and in the majority of them much higher than that.

In other news, some jerk-face stole the marker off my dry-erase board which I keep outside my dormroom doorway. Several people on my floor have these boards, including my friend Beth across the hall, and every person is suddenly lacking in their marker. *ANGER* So since then I've been going outside with one of my many spare markers to write something not-so-nice about the marker theif--like how immature he is or just that he's a jerk and should bring the markers back. So far I haven't managed to wound his ego enough to scare him back into replacing my marker, but I'll try harder.

I also attempted to use a new feature of my Blogger Beta thing last night and OMG it was so stressful. You can change your Blog template now in a different way than the typical Html coding of yesteryear, so I thought I'd try it out (me of all people, who knows remarkably little about Html anyway). The results were terrifying, and I panicked for a while that I may've lost my o-so-beloved Blogger layout which you're enjoying now. But alas, Blogger saved me a backup and I was able to revert back to my comfortable, sulty-black template with my beloved photo above my title (which you could NOT DO in Beta). Oh man, was I scared there for a little while though.

oh, and my pharmacy t-shirt came in today :D *SQUEE*

New Pic

Word up, yo.

I know. I'm not ghetto at all. :(

"..contrary to what the cynics say, distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It's for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It's for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough..."

- O Magazine

Do you want to touch my Halloweenie?

So it's that time of year again--October. This is my favorite month, have I ever told you that? I have the most pleasant memories associated with newly fallen leaves and trick-or-treating. Even the word October is pretty sexy, in my opinion. Of course with the approaching Halloween so close, people will start throwing up some decorations, most of which will involve using the Candy Corn color scheme incorrectly. OMG. Everyone has a weird, unnecessary pet peeve, and mine is seeing Candy Corn with orange on the bottom, instead of yellow. Honestly, I sometimes see this and feel the onset of a seizure coming on. It's WHITE, ORANGE, YELLOW PEOPLE OK?? This is what I like to call primary prevention. Before you can even screw it up, I'm letting you know how it's done, and that way we can avoid any messy errors.

In another two weeks I'll already be halfway through the rumored 'most difficult semester' in pharmacy school. I seriously hope that's true. I get my biochem exam results back either tomorrow or Tuesday and I'm really very nervous. That class is quite possibly the bane of my existence.

This is how I feel about my latest Biochem exam

Beta blockers

So it has come to my recent attention that since upgrading my Blogger to Blogger-Beta, I can no longer post comments in the Bloggers of non-Beta users. *ANGRY* So to make my life great, I would love it if you guys would consider switching for me. I mean you don't have to of course--but if you don't I'll be forced to be a silent reader and I'm not sure how well that will work out. ;)

Pharmacy school has given me a swift couple of kicks in the arse (and even a few well placed ones while I was still crying on the ground). I'm doing fine don't get me wrong, but it's definitely nothing like my experience at WMU. I feel like school has become a needy child, often demanding most if not all of my attention. I do triple the work and I've found it increasingly difficult to pull off the same grade level I did as an undergrad, but this is a mental barrier I knew I would reach eventually. Getting A's at WMU is what I did because I had to (otherwise I never would've made it here). From here on out it will be less about being top in my class and more about remaining in the class. I'm part of an elite group of individuals--I'm happy to merely be holding my own.

I get to see Mike this weekend and I'm so excited. Sometimes it's hard to remember what life was like when I got to see him everyday--but I remember enough to know that I can't wait to have it back. :)

My little slice of Heaven

This weekend my parents offered me a rare retreat from reality, and for a glorious twenty-four hours I forgot that I had anything to study for, and it was beautiful.

We went to the west side of the state to see my favorite lighthouse of all, Little Sable Pointe Light. If lighthouses could be described as photogenic, I would have to say that Little Sable is the most photogenic of all. I fell in love with it three years ago when I first came to WMU, and now, once again beginning another chapter in a new environment, I fell in love with it a second time. It's enchanting.

The weather cleared up just long enough for us to enjoy it. Dad and I climbed all the way to the top (160 steps--the largest lighthouse on Lake Michigan). I took dozens of great photos and spent a lovely evening in the sand with Mom and Dad. I missed them so much--I didn't have enough time to tell them all the things I've wanted to say... but as always, these retreats from reality are never long enough. I took from the sky and the rolling water the same thing I did back then--a soothing serenity that gave me new motivation. It reminded me of life's amazing potential.

I cried when they left. Oh how I wish everything that I love could be here with me. How I long for the day when I have the means to find that place I'll call Home.

No matter how you slice it....

I'm one lucky gal to have you. :-*

Man I'm tired.

Yesterday I had seven hours of class, two exams, and I got the (nasty) results back from my Biochem exam. Then I came home and studied Pharmaceutics all night because I've been so busy studying for other exams that I haven't even started yet. And my phone decided to interrupt my service so I couldn't even talk to Mike. This morning I'm struggling between the choice of staying in bed and catching up on some much needed sleep, or going to the Rec Center. Although the Rec would make me feel good, I'm starting to think that right now sleep is more important.

What a shitty Monday.

Hand caught in the cookie jar

So my just-turned-19-year-old RA (who, once again, is living in a 21 and over dorm) recently got revoked of all her RA privledges because she got caught drinking in her room. I mean, they kicked her out of North Bond. As an RA she got to live and eat at Ferris for free, plus they gave her a job at the front desk and paid her every week for her time. Now all of that is gone, all because she was dumb enough to drink in a dorm. Wow. I feel bad for her really because, first of all, she was really really nice, and second of all, she was pretty laid back so that worked out well in my favor. Now rumor has it our new RA is a little bit of a hard ass, but I've yet to meet him. Worst of all, my prveious RA is a pre-pharm student and now she'll have this mess on her record when she applies to the College of Pharmacy. What a nasty lesson to learn.

I got a 96% on my first Clinical Anatomy and Physiology exam, and today I had my second quiz in lab and I feel like I did really well. I have another exam at eleven and then a Pharmaceutics exam on Thursday--that one should be fairly nasty. I get my Biochem exam results back today (from last week) and I'm very very nervous. I know I didn't do that well but since taking it I've been able to exist in ignorant bliss. I've already begun preparing better for the next one though, so I'm not going to torture myself too badly.

I went to Kalamazoo again this weekend and it was great to just relax in the old apartment and spent some time with Mike again. We also got to have dinner with Jillian and Chris which was great fun. :D Chris was so nice and picked me up from Big Rapids on his way down to Kzoo, so Mike didn't have to drive up there on Friday. Next weekend my parents are in town so I won't be able to see Mike, but I haven't seen them in a while and I'm very excited. They're bringing me more food too! :D I can't wait to show them around.

Well I've got another exam in an hour so I should probably do some last minute cramming. And it's colder than a witch's thorax outside, as my Daddy would say. ;)

Woot for generic Blog entries

Well summer ended with a frigid bang. This morning I woke up for my eight am lab to learn that not only was it only thirty-five degrees out, we also had a frost advisory. I mean geez--that's practially snow or something. *shakes fist*

Pharmacy school has picked up the pace and everything seems a little nuts right now. I still really like it despite the stress, lack of a social life, and busy schedule saturated with endless studying and reading. I suppose I'll never go back to the 'calmness' of the first two weeks (and it's a stretch to even call it calm), and if this last week is any indication of things to come, I'll be studying for exams just about around the clock. Once one is done I come home and immediately start working on another--this is exactly what I knew would hit eventually. At the moment it still feels a little overwhelming but I'm sure with time I'll adjust like always. I can't believe that tomorrow marks the end of my first full month of school here... just, wow.

Sometimes it feels like I'm a part of two worlds. For instance, when I call Mike at night and talk about the next time I'll see him or what's been going on in Kalamazoo, I'm so relaxed and happy and not stressed at all. Then I hang up and look around my room, suddenly remembering the three subjects I have left to study, and reality oozes back in like some nasty microbial infection. I have to shut off the 'care-free, fun' mode and switch to the 'OMG SHOOT ME' gear. It's difficult to describe how I can enjoy this place but be so eager to get through it. I have to admit, so far it has taken every ounce of dedication that I've built up over the last twenty-one years of my life. It's more massively difficult than I imagined to come home everyday and discipline myself enough to get done what needs to be done. But I'm doing it--and I'm doing ok.

And for a random change of subject, my brother is turning seventeen in November. Whoa. I truly didn't see that one coming. I was only seventeen when I graduated from high school, and that seems like just yesterday. I can hardly believe he'll be in college for two years by the time I get out. *whew* What a long haul. But if these next four years go by as fast as the last four I'll barely miss them. ;)

I've been raped!! :O

I had my first exam today in Medical Biochemistry and it was horrible in ways I can't even describe. But to give you an idea, it was 'I didn't finish 20 points of the test because I didn't even have time' horrible. And I had two hours. I felt so pathetically discouraged after leaving the classroom because I've been studying non stop for the past several days. I went to class everyday and took notes, read all the chapters, memorized my amino acids, proteases, and enzyme mechanisms... all for what seemed like nothing. I walked out feeling like I didn't prepare nearly as much as I should've, but had I been given an extra day I truly don' t know what else I could've done.

I was at least in good company--I was among about 80% of my classmates who were all writing furiously when the professor told us it was time to turn our exams in. Out in the hallway wasn't much better--were we all a little green and dreading the results. What I know is that Med Biochem is one of my two very difficult courses (the other being Pharmaceutics), and we are not the first to do so poorly on the first exam. And alas, tomorrow is a new day full of studying a different subject. :D

On a few lighter notes, Nip/Tuck has been awesome lately. I've also been going to the Rec three mornings a week and it's beginning to pay off in more ways than one--I'm feeling better about myself, trimming up, and doing something for a short period of time that has nothing to do with class or homework. And I finally found a shampoo I like! :D

I also saw my first individual who dedicated his body to science! In Anatomy we were discussing the brain and we had a cadaver who (quite ironically) died of brain cancer. His skull had been split open for us to see and yes it was just as disgusting as it sounds. There's a huge reason why I'm going into pills and not surgery.

This past weekend I got to go flying in Dave's plane! :D That was a lot of fun--I'd never been in a private plane before and certainly not one with only four seats! He's shippping off to the Army Thursday morning... I can hardly believe I won't see him again until Christmas. Life is changing right now so much and everyone is growing up it seems like. Sometime I'm overwhelmed with it all--it's a race just to keep up.

Oh man, I'll try to update more often I promise. :)

So I played with scissors...

...and trimmed my own bangs for the first time. Here's how it turned out -->
What do you guys think? Am I presentable enough to still be seen in public? DO NOT BE COMPELLED TO ANSWER. That's a trick question.

I'm trying really hard to not cut my hair in general right now. I've had it above my shoulders for the past year and I really want to grow it down my back a ways, but it's going to take a lot of self restraint. This was a good step in the right direction though--probably almost half of the haircuts I get are due to my bangs just getting crazy-long. If I can do a decent enough job myself for a while then I won't be tempted to hack it all off. *crosses fingers*

They'll selling FSU pharmacy T-shirts and totebags right now and I'm so excited. :D

Next week starts a two week long stretch of exams for me. Just two or three a week mind you, but it'll be enough to bog me down I'm sure. I can't believe I've already been here three weeks and it's time to be tested over what I've learned so far. I'm not going to lie--I'm really nervous. O_O

O man. I need to go back to my biochem.

It can stop raining ANY TIME

Oh man, sorry for my lack of day-to-day updating. School has been keeping me busy along with homework, and aside from that each day is remarkably the same, limiting any potential for new Blogger material. I'm in class most of the morning and afternoon, and I come home each night to not-so-hot dorm food and homework. I enjoy it tremendously--this is precisely the kind of environment in which I thrive--but I doubt anyone else would find it particularly enthralling. That aside, my dorm room is looking as good as a dorm room could I suppose--the futon is up and my cable is finally hooked up (so I can watch my Nip/Tuck baby! :D), and yesterday I hung curtains over the window. I got a fancy rug for the floor and hung up a few more wall decorations. Aside from the cement block walls, you'd almost think it was my bedroom back home.

Class has been good overall. I rocked out my first official grade as a grad student (Clinical Anatomy/Physiology lab quiz). I've become increasingly attached to the idea of having class each day with scores of individuals with the same goals as me. Even more enjoyable are the classes themselves--everything is specific to my field of study and there's no extra "crap" in the form of gen. eds. floating around and smothering me with pointless busy work. Although as Beth says, "Any day we don't have Pharmaceutics is a good day!"

I visited Kzoo for the first time since I left this past weekend and it was great. I got to spend plenty of time with Mike and Hobbes, get all my homework done in peace and quiet, and sleep in my own bed. I also got to celebrate Katie's 21st birthday with her and visit with Shruti for lunch before I left. :)

Time already feels like it's going by fast. My next three weekends are filled, and Lord knows I'll have plenty to do during the weeks in between. I never feel bored, and the loneliness is fading away too--although I still miss Kalamazoo, my friends, and Mike every single day. I'm really happy here, but I still can't wait to be done.

I long for the stability of one place to call "home."

Me: Wait, why am I washing your dishes and doing your laundry while you rearrange your closet?
Mike: Because you don't know how I want the closet.
Me: ......
Mike: And it would take too long to tell you.


Ah, it's good to be home. :)

Another one bites the dust

So a bug has been biting me in my room lately. I have about 29,080,273,423 itchy bumps on my legs and feet right now. Tonight I found him.


And I squished the crap out of that bastard.

That's my man!

I mean, hot damn! Ok, I'm done now I promise.

Sorry for my long absence!! I've been remarkably busy if you can believe that lame excuse. So much to report! Firstly, life in Big Rapids has slowly become much, much better than it was in the beginning. I've met more people on my floor and in my classes, so that's helped a lot. Beth (who lives across the hall) and I have become really good friends, campus is really beautiful too--AND I JUST DROPPED MY CONTACT ON THE FLOOR AHHH!!! *searches for it blindly*

Pharmacy school is ok so far--the trouble is we all have the same schedule and our professors know it. So if they feel we need more time on something, they just keep us longer than the class period allows, or they schedule study sessions outside of class. Today for instance I only had class officially for three hours, but four additional hours of study sessions were added to the schedule, so I was actually in class for seven hours straight. Gaaawd. Other than that it's just what everyone told me it would be. It's enjoyable but it'll require a lot of work. I'm with other students just as smart as me who will do everything extra for the good grade--it's just important not to fall behind.

I was gone for the weekend with Mike, Nick and Colleen to Burt Lake and it was a glorious end to the summer. We had some great weather for tubing, jet skiing, swimming, and just being outdoors in general. We shot off some fireworks, played boardgames (in which Mike beat the crap out of everyone), and visited Harbor Springs for some kick-ass homemade icecream. On Labor Day we got up early to drive to the Mackinac Bridge for the five-mile annual walk across. There were a ton of people and I had to pee the entire hour and a half it took to walk to the other side, but man it was a lot of fun. I've uploaded pictures from the weekend to Flickr--enjoy!

Beth: My sister likes to sing, "Pharmacy school drop out, no graduation day for you..." to the tune of the Beauty School song in Grease to me. Let me just tell you how confident that makes me feel!
Me: HAHAHA. That's awesome.
Beth: Oh yeah? I'll serenade you on the way to class before our 1st exam--it'll be great
Me: lol there's nothing better than low expectations!

Oh man. I promise I'll update soon--I have lots of new stuff to share but I've got quite a bit to get done yet tonight. And Nip/Tuck is on at ten. Priorities you know. ;)

Hootie Mac

is what I named the gold fish that is not a goldfish. And I bought a lab coat today. One of those honest-to-goodness white labcoats that real pharmacists wear. I can't wait to see it. :D

A sick, twisted case of the Mondays

Well now that Monday is over I'm pretty much halfway done with my week.

On my very first day of pharm school I had seven hours of class. Seven mentally-handicapping hours. It started at 8 am this morning with my first lab, Clinical Anatomy and Physiology, for three hours in the Science Building (the only class I have that is a more than a five minute walk from my dorm). Ten minutes after it concluded I had to be back in the Pharmacy Building for Integrated Lab lecture at eleven. After a short lunch break all 150 of us sat in the main lecture hall and had Medical Biochemistry, Clinical Anatomy/Physiology lecture, and the Profession of Pharmacy back to back to back until four o'clock. Count 'em up and that's five classes. Five. I only have seven classes in all, and that's including labs. Oh, and I already have three classes of homework.

Afterwards some of the pharmacy girls and I went to Meijer where I bought myself a fish. I'm not really sure what kind of fish it is, and the only way to describe it is that it's gold but not a goldfish. I enjoy him though--he takes a small piece of the loneliness away. My pharmacy buddy across the hall, Beth, and I went to McDonald's afterwards in a severely premature avoidance of dorm food. Now here I am, already wishing I didn't have homework.

In general I thought the day went well. I feel well prepared for my Anatomy/Physiology class, though I'm sure from time to time I'll need to review. There are no pre-reqs of either subject to get into pharm school, but I've already taken introductory courses in each so I'm not a total stranger to the subject. Integrated Lab seems too much like Gen Chem for my tastes, but the material we covered today was easy enough (once more just a few things I need to review). My Biochem professor spent a long period of time telling us how difficult it will be to get an A, and that the effort we used to put into an A will only barely get us a C in his class. So he's an optimist I can tell. The Profession of Pharmacy seems enjoyable. Nothing to memorize or calculate--just good old common sense issues about being in a professional setting with sick old people.

Tomorrow I don't have class until one and I'm done by three. In other words, the complete opposite from today. :D

*whew* So that was my first day. I survived. I am now officially a pharmacist in training. ^_^

There's nothing "big" about Big Rapids

No one on my floor keeps their door open. What the bloody hell is up with that? Even more peculiar, everyone in my building is 21 or over except my RA, who is about to turn 19 in a few days. There's got to be something wrong with an 18 year old being in charge of 60+ legal drinkers.

I made quite an honest effort to not be a hermit in my room all day, and ventured out into the great outdoors to explore a little. In general I like Ferris. Everything is so neat and pretty, and the university has made every attempt to promote school spirit by branding every trash can, sign, and even the napkins with a cute little bulldog.

Someone on my floor has a dry-erase board outside their doorway and drew a picture of a huge cardinal eating a bulldog on it. In all capital letters at the top a message declared, "GO CARDS!" I suppose you'd have to see the picture itself for it to have true effect, but I laughed out loud right there in the middle of the hallway full of shut doors.

I went to the Rec Center and honest-to-God worked out for forty-five minutes. It was glorious and now my butt hurts, but in the "no I didn't have anal sex!" kind of way.

Class starts tomorrow and I'm feeling my usual pre-semester anxiety about it. It doesnt' help that Mondays appear to be my worst day of the week class-wise.

My AIM isn't working as some of you may have noticed (*cough* KRISTEN *cough cough*), and perhaps even more irritating is my inability to upload pictures to my Flickr account. But! I do have internet, so all is not lost. Once I find out who is responsible for my lack of instant messaging abilities however, I think spankings will be in order. Nice, firm spankings.

*ABRUPT ENDING*

Details people, DETAILS!

Orientation was yesterday and went very well. All of my classes are in one building (and all of the lectures are in the same room even) and that's where I got to meet my 149 fellow classmates and every professor I'll ever have for the next four years. The Dean of Pharmacy seemed extremely friendly (and British *giggle*) and spent the first ten or so minutes of his speech congratulating us on our acceptance into his program. He also informed us that collectively this year's students have the highest average GPA of any class, and that we suffered through the most competitive admissions process. Apparently the waiting list has stopped at 234.

I was impressed over and over throughout the day at just how exceptional the pharmacy program is. I knew long before applying to FSU that Ferris was looked highly upon in regards to the new pharmacists it graduates each year, but I didn't realize just how good it was until yesterday. I feel truly privileged to be a part of it, and to think that in four years I'll be a professional. It's difficult to not get caught up in the excitement and chaos of the process. We took the Oath of a Pharmacist and received our class schedules as well as a tour of the pharmacy building. After having our pictures taken we went outside for a BBQ cookout where we got to speak to second year pharmacy students and meet other members of our own class.

Overall everything seems so different from my years at WMU. Pharm school will be more specific and I'll spend each and every day with the same individuals over the next four years. Even when I went to buy a few of my books I felt different than the other students. Certainly not better--just detached in a way I can't really describe. I had my student ID made and I bought a new calculator at Walgreens with the generous help of my new friend Beth who lives across the hall from me. She's also a first year pharmacy student with the exact same schedule and meal plan as me, so we quickly got aquainted. :)

My dorm room is finally set up and everything has a place. Well, everything except the futon which I forgot the nuts and bolts to, preventing me from putting it together. It's not fancy, and it's certainly not the apartment I shared with Mike, but having my things all around me gives it a more welcoming appeal. In due time I'll call it home, but for now I'm content to think of it as a temporary cinderblock environment.

I miss Kalamazoo, and everything and everyone I left behind. I'm busy enough that the feeling doesn't overwhelm me, but it still exists. I'm comforted thinking that each day that passes is another day closer to the end of this chapter. I'm proud of myself for coming this far and not giving up. Monday class will start and I'll be knee-deep in homework--doing exactly what I do best.

I've made the transition

I'm here. I've done it.

Today my life changed again. Today I moved to a new city, a new school, where I'll meet new friends and try to keep up with new classes. I'm in a dorm room again for the first time in three years, and my first thought upon walking into it was almost comically simple--"Oh my God, I'm in a dorm again." Truly, that about sums it up.

This morning I left my apartment, Mike, Kalamazoo, WMU, my friends, the comfortable, and didn't look back. Certainly not because those things don't mean the world to me, but because I knew if I looked back I wouldn't have the courage to surge forward. I wouldn't be able to squash all the fear and sadness beneath that frail curtain of hope and excitement that I found myself clinging to for dear life all day. If I looked back, my eyes would've clouded with tears, and I would've turned around.

I said goodbye to Mike out in the parking lot, in the rain. The day I never wanted to come, yet so desperately hoped for, is finally here. And as I watched his car until I couldn't see it anymore (and even long after it had disappeared), I realized that I loved him more in that moment than I ever had before. I loved him for letting me go enough to let me do this. For being completely unselfish. For loving me so much.

I don't really have a lot of time to collect myself. My room looks like a department store threw up in it, and I have orientation bright and early tomorrow. I have to get my student ID, my laundry card, my meal plan, and unpack the parts of my life I brought with me. And class starts on Monday--with lots of homework I'm sure.

I'll be back. Happier, healed, and with more details. Probably tomorrow. For now, I need to find my pillow.

I'm Ready

"Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become." -- Mirela

Tomorrow is my last day living in Kalamazoo, and I'm excited to start something new. I've got a ton of crap to finish before I go, but the night will conclude with an awesome dinner with friends and one final evening in my apartment with Mike. I'm no longer afraid to go--I know it will be fine. But as I sit here in the final hours and think about how my life will be so different in only a few days... I read this quote and cling to it with hope. Maybe something tremendously rewarding will come from this. Maybe this one thing is worth waiting for, and someday I'll look back and be hopelessly grateful that I was brave enough to go through with it. I do it for me, for you, for the children I have yet to have, and for the life I long to live. So here I go--it's finally time to chase that dream.

I'll see you in Big Rapids. :)

Oh Man.

I GOT MY LICENSE!!!!

Mike: Hey sweetie, I forgot to flush the toilet when I was in there--could you do it for me?
Me: What the hell are you going to do when I'm gone?

I can't complain...

...I wouldn't have it any other way.

I'm busy, with barely enough time to get it all done. So many things have worked out exactly how they were meant to. I procrastinated about renting the Uhaul trailer for this Wednesday only to find out a few days ago that I actually can't move until Thursday (due to where my last name falls in the alphabet). Last week I complained to Mike about our lack of even one day together in which we had nothing else to do but spend time with one another before I left--now we have that entire Wednesday to ourselves. My road test (on Tuesday) is also no longer the day before I leave. I'm calmer about moving in general. The change will be hard but it should be. I love the people I'm leaving behind, and if it weren't difficult to say goodbye than what the hell kind of person would I be anyway?

A big part of me becomes increasingly excited to go with each passing day. I'm going on to graduate school to begin the final stretch of my academic career, and I know I'm smart enough, I know I'll love it, and I know it'll go by in the blink of an eye. I'll meet new people, go to new places, and grow. It's a new adventure.

Kate and Maureen moved into an apartment three buildings down from Mike and myself (!!!). I love having them so close but I'm sad I'll only get to enjoy it for a few more days. They made us some yummy dinner tonight and it was a mere three-minute walk back to my place afterwards. :D Today I saw Shruti for the last time before I leave. I had a great time with her--we went out to eat just the two of us and then hit up the mall for some shopping--but it was difficult to give her a hug goodbye not knowing when I'll see her again.

All my things are in boxes. My pictures are packed away. Now it's time to live it up. :D

Bye bye Bailey

WMU celebrated today (albiet silently) the termination of Judith Bailey from the position of president of the university. Since I came to Kalamazoo in fall of '03, the cost of attendance has been raised over $4,000, enrollment has decreased significantly, and programs have been cut. She has developed a terrible reputation for herself and lost the support of her staff and student body alike. She has shown not an ounce of respect for the kids who make her university happen (not to mention provide the money for her $325,ooo a year paychecks). Perhaps the icing on the cake--the graduating classes of Spring 2006 received their degrees in the gymnasium, including my friend Dave who coughed up enough money in tuition and various other fees which should've earned him a more glamorous celebration. This isn't f-ing high school. These students deserved far better for their hard work. Some people feel sorry that she was so harshly let go. I say she had it coming.

In other news, today was my final day at Sindecuse Pharmacy. They threw quite the party for me--a five-foot sub, homemade brownies, chips, and every beverage under the sun. I received cards (with giftcards inside!) and lots of hugs and well-wishes. Even Jackie, the one pharmacist who had today off, came in to say goodbye. I will miss every single one of them. Even in the last few hours of my shift they continued to provide me with heaps of support and confidence in my abilities, assuring me of what a wonderful pharmacist I'll be someday (*blushes*). I was extremely sad to walk out those doors one last time. I learned so much in that pharmacy--but I know I'll be back in it again counting pills someday. I can feel it.

So now I have one week until I leave. Tomorrow night I'm heading back to the Mountain for a short overnight visit to pick up my minifridge and vaccination records from the High School, and of course say goodbye to the folks.

Next Tuesday at 4 pm I take my road test. The day before I leave. But as much as I'd rather be doing something totally different for that stressful forty-five minutes, I want so badly to move on with my life. I know I can do it--I don't handle failure very well.

But any advice would be greatly appreciated. :D

Some Girl Time

Whew! I've had quite the busy weekend so far.

Friday I worked at the pharmacy all day and tried to schedule my driving test for next weekend (all time slots were taken--ANGRY BLACK CLOUD), and Mike left for up north until Monday afternoon. Kate and Maureen spent Friday night at my place so that we could get up early on Saturday and go to their parents house for a belated birthday party! Kate did my hair and it looks fabulous--I'll have picture later. The birthday party was a ton of fun and the food was great (and FREE!). Today we got up early again to make it back home to Kalamazoo.

Thursday my friends Beth and Christina from the Mountain came to visit me!! I haven't seen Beth since Spring Break and I hadn't seen Christina since last summer. We stayed up until three in the morning talking and spent all of Thursday catching up, shopping, and eating Qdoba. :) It was great fun and I can't wait to see them again.

Tonight Jillian and Chris are spending the night--and I have to get packing!!

This past week has been really rough. There's just so much to do and the stress is starting to bring me down--not to mention I keep thinking about what's about to happen as if it were some horrible negative thing (and not the one thing I've been waiting so long to have). This weekend was really good for me though. I needed a break from the usual to remind me what was important, and to prove to myself that although it will be difficult, I can do this. I've dealt with far worse before, and I believe now that in the end this new change will be extremely good for me. There will be times when I'll be sad or cry, but my life is unfolding and starting to bloom--I'm happy to be on the right track with so many goals and surrounded by people who truly care.

My girlfriends have been great. Beth and Christina let me get all my worries and frustrations off my chest, and Kate and I reflected for hours on just how much has happened in the past three years. So many circumstances (some that have been horrible!) which have led us to this place and time and it's amazing sometimes how things work out just how they're supposed to. I'm leaving WMU with far more than I ever could've imagined when I first came. Great friends, my soulmate, a good educational foundation, and a sturdy maturity that has taken a while to develop completely. I've formed some truly rewarding relationships. I've found myself and discovered what I want to do with my life.

My last day of work at Sindecuse is this upcoming Wednesday, and I move a week from then. I'll be sad to go, but I'm happy to be pursuing all this. I know I'll do fine--I know somehow I'll find a way to thrive. :)

The roller coaster

Me: What if you get tired of waiting for me to get out of school, some better girl comes along, and we tragically break up?
Mike: I can't break up with you. You'll have my futon.

I did it. I bought the laptop. It was hard to spend that much money on myself, but I discussed it in depth with Mike, my mom, his mom, and my inner monologue. I have notebooks and notebooks and notebooks of hand written notes which I've acquired over the past three years, and I think at this point with grad school only two weeks away that I deserve to leap into the 21st century. Much like school itself, it'll be an investment that will save me a lot of time and energy. I like to think of it as a school supply.

It's a Gateway--nothing too flashy or fancy, and it's certainly no top of the line Mac. But it's perfect for the purpose I wish to use it for, and I love it. I think it's pretty.

Today I had my second TB test done at Sindecuse, and tonight Beth is visiting me from the Moutain with her friend Christina. Friday Kate is spending the night, and Saturday I'm going with her overnight to her parents' house. Next weekend I want to take my driving test (!!). I still have to visit home and pack, and Mike is leaving tomorrow for Traverse City and won't be back until Monday.

Everyday is full. Every moment is occupied. I want to scream. I want to cry. I want to laugh. Mostly I just want to slow down.

This is me, smiling through tears

Oh my God. Two and a half weeks. I wish I had no concept of time right now. I wish I could enjoy it all without hearing that ticking clock in the back of my mind. I wish I didn't have so damn much to do before those two weeks are gone. How I wish I could spend each and every moment laughing, loving, and holding on. It all seems so dramatic. So life-changing. I can picture it in my mind but I wonder if it will be better than I imagine or worse.

I'm worried that all I need to get accomplished I won't be able to. My liscense. Packing up my life. Visiting home. Mentally and emotionally preparing myself for a massive change. Each day I wake up one day closer and it scares the crap out of me. Maybe it shouldn't--but it does.

On a good day I see my life as exactly where I want it to be right now. I've got a wonderful family, great friends who love me, a stable, happy relationship, and the graduate school of choice coming my way. But on a bad day all I can think about is how different it will be very soon, and how hard life sometimes is when it changes. I've tackled many fears in the past several weeks head-on, and although I still have a few more to go, I find myself struggling to stay on my feet. I know everything will be ok but I'd rather not find out if I'm right the hard way.

When this is all over and I'm there, I'm going to pat myself on the back. When I lay in bed that first night trying to find sleep, I'm going to tell myself how proud I am for going through with it--for not taking the easier route. I know the pay off for all this will be almost immediate. One thing I learned in my three years at WMU (and in almost every realm of my life) is to never settle for less. This is life, and here it comes.

Here it comes fast.

Leftovers and laptops

I hate leftovers. I never used to, but for some reason in all my bad eating habits since coming to college I've developed an extremely picky taste when it comes to leftovers. I always save uneaten food for the next day with the intention that it'll be great to not have to pay for or cook another meal, but when the next day comes and I open up that tupperware container I always cringe in disgust. Most of the time I don't know why. The food looks and smells exactly the same, and after a quick trip to the microwave it usually tastes the same as well. But for some reason I have some psychological issue with eating food which I've already eaten once. Just thinking of it makes me want to go to Wendy's and get myself a nice six piece chicken fingers, fresh out of the frying pan. Mmm.

Yesterday I had my blood drawn for some lab tests for the first time in my life. I didn't like it that much. Getting shots are a lot more enjoyable in my opinion, and they don't have to leave the needle in there as long. Not to mention it was a little creepy to see that long tube full of my own blood.

Last night I went out to Pappy's with Mike and Kate's gang to continue our celebration of her birthday. It's great to get together with everyone right now because I know starting soon I'll be super busy getting ready to leave and I won't be able to hang out like this. Everything is changing and even though I feel like it's all so exciting, I can't help but feel scared and anxious too. I hope this change is good. I hope I can make it through. I can't lose all I've aquired here--I love it all too much.

I'm about to go shopping (!!!!) for the first time in forever. I haven't bought myself anything in so long, and pharm school has a dress code even for regular classes. I have to kind of dress business casual-like, so I want to get a few new things. I'm also thinking of getting an extremely cheap laptop (Mike says Best Buy has one for under four hundred dollars right now) to take notes with in my classes. I'll be getting $340 back from my apartment's security deposit, so that's a lot of money I forgot I even had. I haven't decided yet. It would be really nice to not have to hand-write notes anymore, and I think typing notes would be a lot more efficient (not to mention it would keep me awake). We'll see. I'm afraid to spend any money lately.

I need to find a home for my parakeets.

Happy Birthday Kate!! :*

Dave King remarking on the Geek Squad...
Me: I can't even go in there and ask for Michael McDonald. They have no idea who that is. I have to ask for "Agent M."
Dave: Geez. It's like Dungeons and Dragons only he gets paid for it.
Me: Exactly.

So the internet hasn't been the only technology giving me a hard time lately. My cell phone battery sucks a nut too, and I'm planning on replacing it before I go to Ferris in three weeks. Let me give you an example of how crappy it is. I worked on Wednesday and Shruti called to leave me a voicemail. I listened to the voicemail, called back and left my own voicemail, and that was it. The whole process took about five minutes. It drained my entire battery. Seriously, this happens all the time now and I want to throw it against a wall. *sigh* This is just another thing to add to my long list of Reasons Why I Hate Verizon Wireless. Depending on how expensive batteries are I may just get a new phone if that's possible.

Let's see, it's been mega hot lately and holy crap. I hope that nonesense goes away.

Yesterday I got a tetanus and hep B shot for pharm school, and I still have to have some lab work done and another TB test at Sindecuse. This whole process should wipe out my next paycheck--awesome. I hate money anyway and always try to get rid of it as fast as possible. No that's a lie.

So yesterday was Kate's 21st birthday (EEE!!!!) , so the gang got together and went out to Logan's steakhouse to celebrate with her. It was a ton of fun and tonight we're going out again because some of her friends from home will be in town. She seemed like she had a really great time. It's becoming a pain for me to buy drinks though. Since turning 21 in July I think there have been four or five times that I've wanted to have a tasty mixed drink with my meal, and at least three of those times I've had trouble proving I'm actually 21. I have a Michigain State ID (as opposed to a driver's license) which is vertical and expires in July of '07. In red letters at the top it says that I'm under 21 until 07/05/06. So the thing is legit as long as you read it. But of course servers don't want to take the time to do that. One even brought over her manager and told him my ID was expired and I wasn't 21. Uggggh. If it's going to be this much trouble I might as well just have a coke with my meal. It's cheaper and usually tastes better.

I haven't even started packing like I was planning to this weekend. I'm such a slacker. I'm really going to have my work cut out for me when the time comes, but I figure next weekend will be a great opportunity. Mike is going up north to his family's cabin on Thursday night and he won't be back until Tuesday, so I'll definitely get a lot done that weekend.

I have less than two weeks of work left. Less than three weeks until I'm gone. Geez.