It's all about the $green$

Forgive me, for I must freak out.

This week I spent $1600. No no, I didn't put too many zeros in there--that's exactly how much I spent. $1260 on my summer class and $340 on rent from my own money. And who knows how much my books will cost.

I'm not concerned about being in debt someday. I used to freak out about it because at least half of my tuition each year is paid for by my loans which have piled up since I was a freshmen. But as my sister told me (and how right she is), college is an investment. When I get out, even starting out, I'll be making close to 9o grand a year, and that's nothing to spit at. What I do freak out about, and what I almost must freak out about, is how I will ever make it that far.

I'm almost 21 and I've never had my own car. Even though this has worked out fine up until this point, how can I ever hope to rely on someone to drive me everywhere when I go away to pharmacy school? I'm afraid the need for wheels has almost become a necessity--perhaps not right this moment, but very, very soon. Even though I have the money for it, I can't help but worry over my inability to have a job while in pharmacy school. My checkbook will shrink so fast I'll probably have a heart attack, and then what will I do?

This is all not even considering how I will cover the cost of tuition, which is probably twice that of WMU. Here I am, smart enough to make it, but lacking the most necessary component of all--money. After all, being successful is never about what you know. Being Valedictorian wasn't enough to even grant me a scholarship. Being on the Dean's List every semester except one since I came here won't get me anything either. With as much time, energy, and spirit as I dedicate each day to giving my all, I sometimes feel as defeated as my heart could possibly allow.

I don't want much. I'll stretch myself to my greatest potential to do well in pharmacy school, and I'll work harder than I have even here at WMU--and that's saying a lot. But I wish there was reward in this. I wish every person in the world who worked as hard as me to accomplish so much could make it. I wish money didn't stand in the way.

All I want is the means. I'll give whatever else is necessary. Sweat, tears, blood. Just allow me the means, and I'll never ask for anything else again.