It occurred to me in the middle of recent chaos that I move next Saturday, the 23rd of August. I move back to pharmacy school, and away from the summer life I'm always wary to begin, but always tremendously sad to leave behind. Soon I'll be alone in my apartment, with homework to do at night instead of knitting and watching a movie with Mom. I'll be making my dinner for one, instead of eating at the table with my family. When I go to sleep at night it will be dark and quiet, without the warmth of my puppy at my feet and without the morning noises of my parents getting ready for work. There won't be spontaneous trips to Walmart with Mom, or pilates with a partner, or sunset bike rides. There will be less conversation, more concentration, as I make the transition back to school for the sixth year in a row.
I've mentioned this transition before. My double life--my school life, my summer life. It's always as one comes to a close that I realize I love them both very much for very different reasons. When I sit alone, like I am now, and think about moving away from my family again for another grueling nine months of grad school, I get scared. Not because I can't do it, but because I got used to being with them again. I got used to having them around every day, every night. I grew accustomed to hearing Dad tell me to drive safe to work. It doesn't seem like it's coming, but in just about two weeks I'll be without it all. Back to being an adult, being independent, taking care of myself. I'm sure in a few weeks I'll be enjoying that tremendously.
But right now, in my parents house with Colby asleep next to me, thinking about leaving it just makes me want to cry.
2 comments:
aw bebeh, it should make you look forward to next summer...how, after having KICKED THIS YEAR'S ASS (as in previous years) you'll go back home again! your family is always there for you kiddo, don't forget that.
it's disheartening to think about being alone, but in moments like that i think (selfishly) of the rewards from what i'm sacrificing temporarily. and you'll have mike, and a whole bunch of friends who love you a lot and will SURELY make those cricket-noise-infested nights a little more enjoyable.
:*
Ugh! This is how I feel right now, I'm sitting alone in an enormous apartment, have been since Sunday, will be until Friday when a couple more of my roommates move in. It sucks. :(
Post a Comment