Internal Medicine

I think my Internal Medicine rotation will go down as one of those not-so-rare moments in Pharm school when I get knocked on my ass without warning. And then kicked mercilessly. It was one of two 2-month long rotations which I have in the fall semester, the other being Ambulatory Care which I will start tomorrow. IM is supposed to be the most difficult of all the pharmacy clerk ships, and for my sake I really hope that's true.

I've never slept less, worked so consistently, put up with more criticism, or been so miserable for such a long stretch of time. My vocabulary expanded to include humiliating phrases like "I don't know," which I repeated often and with an ever sinking heart. My good humor, one of my most prized personal traits, got lost quickly in the 4 am mornings and the 9-11 hour shifts. I never "caught up" on my homework. I just stopped it for long enough to go to sleep. The grand majority of August I felt stupid and wasted, as if none of my hard work over the past three years had done any good at all. By Friday night I was too exhausted to do anything but sleep, and the majority of the weekends were spent recovering from sleep deprivation and doing homework. I talked to Mike about half as much each day as I normally do (which isn't even that much to begin with), and had to struggle around assignments and projects to spend time with him on my days off. Thank goodness he's so amazing and doesn't have a selfish bone in his body. You know, like me.

Luckily though, there is a bright side to all this (the above is probably enough complaining for one blog post).

Today was my last day, it being the last calendar day of September. After taking my final exam on Monday and doing last-minute wrap-up crap, my preceptor evaluated me and we said goodbye. She told me things I really needed to hear, though, before I went. She said my confidence was improved 100% since my first day. She said she often forgot that this was my first rotation (which I took as a huge compliment), and that she was impressed with the amount of hours I put into my work both at the hospital and at home on assignments. She complimented me on meeting every goal which I set for myself at midpoint. She told me the frequency and quality of my patient interventions increased significantly over the course of the rotation. And finally, she told me that I got an A !!!!

All of this felt really great to hear, but what I really wanted to know (the one thing I always wonder, every day I've been in this program) was if I was where I should be at this point. (Am I shaping up to be the pharmacist I want to be?) Or am I behind the curve? And she this is what she said.

"You are above and beyond where I would expect students to be at this point."

And you know what? It was worth every early, early morning (and every tear) to hear that.