This Is It

Tomorrow is April 5th, which means the next 25 days will be the very last I'll spend in Pharmacy School. The very last I will ever be a student. For those of you reading this that have been a student with me, I'm sure you can understand it when I say this: there were times when I thought I'd never reach this point. School has felt like a treadmill--I'm constantly running but not going anywhere. Tomorrow is my last first day and before I know it I'll be walking that stage.

I find myself remembering.

I remember my rejection letter and when I was assigned that fateful number: 195. I remember watching the Waiting List climb higher and higher, and then seeing it reach me. I stood there looking at it, as my life literally changed before my eyes, and the world stopped spinning for the briefest moment. Since then, I have changed tremendously.

My confidence has grown (though I still struggle with it often, but not as much) and my priorities have changed. I've learned the difference between a friend and a true friend. I've discovered how hard it is to make the right decisions, to make them in the right order, and to wait, wait, wait for the rest of my life to start. But life happened to me in Pharmacy School too, and even though I cursed it, cried over it, hated it so much--I can't help but love it a little too. Aside from a wealth of knowledge, it gave me wonderful friends; many I will carry with me forever. It strained my every relationship but made me appreciate each one all the more. It could've torn me away from Mike (and almost did, more than once) but never managed--in fact, it taught us how to love each other better and more completely. It taught me the value of patience and it gave me self-worth the likes of which I didn't know before.

Just like four years ago, I find myself nervous and a little afraid to move forward from here. Something new is happening to me, and though I believe myself to be brave, new things are always a little scary. I remember a quote that helped me back then, and not so oddly enough, it fits even now.

Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become.