SmurfVille

So, there's my real job and then there's the "stuff I do in addition to my real job" everyday. For the additional stuff, it can be broken down into two parts. Part 1: telling people where they can find random shit in the store, like eyebrow wax, dog food, breast pumps, etc. Part 2: playing police officer to all the drug-seeking fools that use prescription drugs for non-medical purposes. Some pharmacists don't give a hoot if someone is abusing Vicodin, or phenergan with codeine, or any other number of desirable substances, but I'm not one of those pharmacists. I am a pharmacist who went to school to help people get better, not to help people get high.

However, as annoying and draining as it can be, I do come home with some pretty interesting stories.

Patient: My Ultram was 10 days too early five days ago, but I'm going out of town and I need to get it!

Me: Your doctor instructed me to NOT fill it early.

Patient: He did?! But I'll be out of town! How am I supposed to get it when I'm gone??

Me: Where are you going?

Patient: California....

Me: Well, there are plenty of pharmacies in California, so you should be in good shape.

Patient: .....

SHUT DOWN!! AHAHAHAHAHAAAA!

Technician: Don't run it through her insurance--she wanted to pay cash for it.

Me: Of course she did. Run it through anyway and find out why.

Technician: ....... She just had it filled 3 days ago somewhere else.

SHUT DOOOOOOOWN!

Me: Your doctor called in an antibiotic and some cough medicine for you today.

Patient: I don't want the antibiotic--just the cough syrup.

Me: You can't have the cough syrup without picking up the antibiotic.

Patient: But I can't afford both!

Me: In that case I'm sure your body needs the antibiotic more.

OH SNAPZ

I'm like the f-ing Pentagon. I didn't learn this in pharm school--I got these mad skillz all on my own. :D

I also got a random romantic letter from a patient responding to my "flirting" which apparently took place while I administered his flu shot. I guess that will teach me to be more of an asshole to people from now on.