Ah, crap.

So, I'm sure you all remember the little mental crisis I had over that class I had to complete for pharmacy school a little while ago, in the event they get to my number on the waiting list. It's supposed to be Human Physiology, but because I'd rather choke than take it over the summer, I pulled some strings and found an English class that fulfilled the requirement, so I signed up and the crisis passed.

Well no.

Today I get a call from my Dad, who got a call from the English Department. They canceled the class.

*ANGRY BLACK CLOUD*

All humor aside, I find myself now at the edge of some kind of mental cliff. On one side is the part of me that always pulls me back to my feet when I fall, but the other is a deep chasm of discouragement threatening to swallow me. Every obstacle that I could've encountered up until this point has hit me like an unmerciful brick wall. Haven't I worked my ass off? Haven't I sacrificed? Don't I want it enough? What in the world more can I do to deserve the chance? It's not like I'm asking them to hand me the degree. I just want the opportunity to prove my worth.

Afterwards I returned to the pharmacy (I had been on my lunch break) for the remainder of my shift. Today was moving day; due to the remodeling we're temporarily relocating to the third floor. So it was busy busy busy transporting thousands of drugs and equipment. Somewhere in all the chaos I forgot about the stupid class and remembered why it all means so much to me. My job, my precious Sindecuse pharmacy job, has saved my life so many times. On the brink of defeat I've dragged my feet to work to count some more Mortin, or shred some more patient information, and slowly my spirits have risen time and time again. I love it. It's what I'm meant to do, and I can't begin to explain the power of that realization. It's more than just a job, more than just a way to make money. It's the one thing in life I want as much as I want someone to love.

And even if it takes a lifetime, somehow I'll get there. So I took the last seat available in Human Physiology. I've pulled myself back to my feet.