What I did today:
- slept in
- created my MyFSU account
- realized there were a million problems with it
- called tech help, got transfered 19,389,232 times, only to hang up and wait hours for them to call me back
- canceled my WMU financial aid
- finally got my FSU account up and running
- cleaned the apartment
- printed out my Independent Student verification worksheet and filled it out
- Call Mom and Dad and have them mail me the correct tax forms to send to FSU
- Get vaccinations for TB, Rubella and Rubeola, Varicella (chicken pox), Hepatitis B (3 times), and Tetanus (well there goes my latest paycheck)
- get my license (eek)
- speak to WMU's registration office to make sure I've done everything I need to do to transfer
- live it up before my social life ceases to exist
I leave in less than a month. I move in the 23rd of August (a Wednesday), and classes start the following Monday. The moment--the opportunity--which I've been working towards and waiting for so desperately for the past three years is about to hit me like a brick wall in about four weeks. I can hardly believe all this is happening to me. Even the waiting list seems like a lifetime ago with all that has taken place since. It's difficult to describe what leaving means to me, especially now that it's close and I'm forced to deal with the reality of it. What have I gotten myself into? Is it all enough, and will I ever have what it takes?
I feel like a yo-yo most of the time. Excited and scared, exhilarated and anxious. Each moment that I spend not doing something incredible with my friends or with Mike I can't help but feel like I'm wasting. Time is running out, and even if I could take everyone I cared about with me, soon I will be consumed with a bigger work load than I ever suffered here at WMU. I shudder at the thought of it. I feel like I'm about to encounter something far greater than myself, and more than anything I wish I could halt time and never have to face it. How silly it seems to want it so badly--but never want it to come.
Sometimes I worry I'll be terribly lonely or I'll miss everyone so much I won't be able to deal with it. But most of the time I know that's not true. It will be in my darkest, most lonely moments up there that I will be the most grateful for those that I love--and that's how I know I'll be ok.
6 comments:
I love you so orgasmically much for using a proper bulleted list.
I <3 the bullets :D
Don't worry Amanda. It's in those darkest and loneliest times that you realize just who you are, what you are made of, and what you can do. It is unfortunate how many people do not get the opportunity to find that out.
Thanks Dave, and you're right of course. I learned a lot living with Mike for this past year, and now I'm about to embark on a new lesson. I feel like I'll know friggin' everything by the time I'm done with this one. ;)
awww you get lonely just call me and I'll be there in no time!!!
Aww, thanks Jill. :) I love you
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