Sudafed-ers

People use the ingredient in Sudafed to make bad drugs, which is rotten news for me because our brilliant government has put all products containing psuedoephedrine behind the counter. Which basically means that every f-ing hipster who wants a package of 12 hours has to go through me first. After a pathetic three months as a full-fledged pharmacist, I'm already a Jedi at spotting these people from a mile away, mostly because they are brainless idiots.

Chicks usually come in alone and look like crack whores, but guys come in in pairs (how many men does it take to buy a package of Sudafed?). The person buying is typically more of a dumbass than his buddy. The buddy is there to make sure the buyer "gets the right one." Because in the REAL world--the world where people buy Sudafed for the ACTUAL sniffles--people don't care whether their bro from the hood has to take his Sudafed every 4 hours or every 12 hours. Only people who want it for other reasons give a shit.

Idiot: "No no dude, you want the twelve hour one, because you don't have to take it as much!"

Another Idiot: "I'll have to check with my mom first to make sure the 4-6 hour one will work just as well."

And by his mom he means the douche waiting in the van in the parking lot. Who do you think you're fooling???

Today I saw two Sudafed-ers down the cough and cold aisle after ringing someone up. They were shifty and glancing over at me too much, which only half gave them away. The other half had to do with the fact that they hadn't showered in about a week, and they had puke stains on the front of their shirts. I told my technician that they'd be coming up asking for it, and that he should tell them that we're out. Like clockwork, they came up to the counter and did the "dance" with my technician. The "sorry we're out of stock" dance. Usually this involves the douchebags acting all suspicious of us, as if certain that we pulled it off the shelve just to deny them purchasing it. Then they start asking about the "24 hour one" which doesn't exist, and eventually they end up buying the 4 - 6 hour package (because they are brainless idiots, as I already mentioned). My technician comes back over to the counter where I'm working, and I declare that in less than ten minutes they'll be back to return the package because their Leader will have informed them that they got the wrong kind. Sure enough, moments later he was back and my poor technician was tied up for ten minutes doing the refund.

Like I said, I'm a f-ing Jedi.